S-T-R-E-T-C-H-I-N-G

Yesterday, in the Adoration Chapel, I spent a long time praying about the Spiritual Director role for the next CRHP (Christ Renews His Parish) Team. I never wrote about how I came to take on this role. Because I am on the CRHP Continuation Committee, I was running several of the post-Retreat formation meetings to set the new team. The final evening, the Evening of Discernment, came, and I left my house with every intention of having this be my final commitment to CRHP. Truthfully, I was getting a little worn out from the CRHP commitments of the past few years.

About halfway through the meeting, during some quiet, prayerful time of personal discernment of the new team members, I very clearly heard "Spiritual Director" in my head. I immediately dismissed the phrase. (This was right in the midst of the DH's job layoff uncertainties). The phrase persisted, and as I began to "argue" in my head, I repeatedly heard the response: "TRUST."

The time came for the group to share the results of their discernments. No one discerned the Spiritual Director role, and I began to hear "Speak Up!" in my head. Again, I argued. (I am so much more Zechariah than Mary!) I refused to speak up, despite the persistence of the voice in my head. The meeting ended and I began to clean up the room. Almost immediately, I was approached by a woman who said that she was getting a really strong feeling that I was supposed to be the Spiritual Director for this team. I began to cry. A few minutes later, another woman came over to say goodbye, and told me that she had been hearing my name and Spiritual Director in her head for the last 2o minutes. I turned to the Tabernacle and said, "Fine. You win. I'll do it." I walked over to the Lay Director and told her that she had found her Spiritual Director.

I immediately felt peace with that decision, and though I was a little worried about DH's response (it is a big time commitment), he was completely and totally supportive. All was well, and I became excited about this opportunity.

But in the past few days, I've finally had a chance to look at the manual and see exactly what it means to be the Spiritual Director... and I've become overwhelmed. This is a big job. And an important job. And way beyond my abilities/knowledge/experience/readiness. I feel completely inadequate for the role.

So, yesterday, I took those concerns to Jesus. I asked him why He had chosen me. I told him I didn't think I could do the job. I didn't get any response, no words resonating in my head again. Just deep silence.

This morning, I woke up early. I've been sleeping in while DH is on break, and have been going to 8:15 mass. But I was up early this morning, and it just made sense to go to 6:30 mass. So, I got up and went.

Father's homily was about the martyrs we honor in these first Octave days of Christmas. He told us that we are all called to stretch ourselves for the faith. We are called to constant conversion, growth, and to be pushing ourselves outside our comfort zones to be more and more like Christ in each moment of each day. To live in safety, security, and same-ness is not to live as a Christian. Even if we do not feel ready or able, Christ calls us to stretch and grow all the same. If we do the work, He will provide what is lacking.

Just as He provides the answers I need.

Happy Birthday, LilBro!

It's hard to believe that three years has gone by so quickly. You are such an energetic, cuddly, fun little boy! You are independent and stubborn, and at the same time, sweet and cuddly. You love to curl up in my arms, and are very good about asking for exactly what you need. (The other day, I was giving you a post-time-out lecture, and you said, "No, Mama. I don't want talking. I just want cuddling.")

I can't resist your little smile, and I love to rustle your hair (which is exactly like Dad's hair... one of the features I love most on both of you

Happy 3rd Birthday, sweet son! I love you!

The Seven Pillars

A few weeks ago, during confession with Father, he talked about the Seven Pillars of a Healthy Life (sleep, diet, exercise, mental stimulation, emotional ties, spiritual grounding, doing for others). I have spent a good amount of time praying and meditating on these pillars these past few weeks, and I've decided to use them as my basis for planning out my goals for 2009.

1. SLEEP: Let's start with the easy one. I need 8 hours a night, nearly every night. I can survive on less during the short term, but string together too many sleepless nights, and I become a cranky zombie. Which means that I need to structure my life to ensure I am in bed by 10pm most nights... so I can get up in time for 6:30 mass most days.
   


2. DIET: In the past month, I've noticed a relation between my sugar/refined carbs intake and several annoying little physical issues that have been cropping up. I am going to cut back on the sugars and refined carbs (not cut them out completely, but cut back significantly). I am going to do so in a very observant way... seeing what I can learn about my body and its reactions to the sweet stuff.
   


3. EXERCISE: This one is tough for me. I hate exercise. It was the genesis of our conversation on the "pillars" during my confession. Father suggested that I try to find a form of exercise that I enjoy (swimming), but swimming regularly just doesn't work for my schedule. I have a perfectly good treadmill collecting way too much dust in my bedroom. In 2009, I am going to get on that thing, for 20-30 minutes, 4 times a week. Father suggested that I look at exercise as an "act of Love" for God, for my family, and for myself. It's worth an honest try.
   


4. MENTAL STIMULATION: I am thinking about going back to graduate school, so this includes prep for (and probably taking) the MAT. I am also needing to make time, even just an hour or two once a week, to get into my glass studio and make some stained glass. I didn't step down there for all of 2008, until Friday, when I needed to make a small repair on a piece of glass my mom had. The craving I felt to get back to it was nearly physical. It calms me to create in glass, and this needs to be a priority in 2009. And I need to keep blogging, committing to writing regularly (at least 4-5 days a week), to keep myself grounded and the voices in my head at bay.
   


5. EMOTIONAL TIES: I need to look at this one in pieces: self, marriage/family, others.
   Self: I need regular time to myself, that I can count on. DH has promised me 3 hours once a week that is mine... I need to make it a priority to schedule that each week. I also have my 3.5 hour "kid trade" every other week with my friend, which helps a lot. And I hope to (finally) implement my Thursday evenings out, either alone, catching up with friends, or a little of both.
   Marriage/Family: Our Marriage and More group gets underway this coming Friday, and will remain a priority for us. In addition, we need a date night once a month, and our every-other-month alone weekends (again, via the "kid trade" friends). We need to have regular fun together as a family, especially during sports seasons (spring/fall), when our schedules can get so crazy.
   Others: My monthly Bunco group needs to remain sacred. I need regular "girls night out" opportunities to hold onto "Jen" amidst all the other roles I play. And I need to do more to encourage DH to do the same thing.
   


6. SPIRITUAL GROUNDING: This one is easy to prescribe... and really, not that hard to continue what I've already started. I need Prayer (several times a day), Mass (several times a week), Adoration (once a week), Confession (once a month), Spiritual Direction (once a month), and Retreat (at least once a year).
   


7. DOING FOR OTHERS: BigBro and I just started volunteering at the Food Pantry once a month. I've taken on the role of Spiritual Director for the next CRHP team. I teach Sunday School once a month. Where else can I give and not paint myself too thinly? This is an area I need to take to Adoration.

WOW. Seems ambitious... but really, it's not that many actual changes. These past two years, I've worked hard on little segments, trying to make things better, stronger, more Christ-like. This is just the first time I've pulled it altogether in one place.

Merry Christmas!

I am sitting on the couch, laptop on lap, in cozy new pj's (courtesy of DH and kids), glancing over at DH who is playing with his new digital photo frame (which already has hundreds of photos downloaded). Slowly, one by one, the adults have peeled themselves off to bed. The children have finally wound down. What a glorious, blessing-filled day! Just a few quick thoughts, so I don't lose them in the busy-ness of cleaning up, putting away, and family time over the next few days.

1. We have the most amazing kids!!!! Last night, when DH and I turned in at 10:45, I mumbled that, if we were lucky, the kids would let us sleep until 6am. They did us even better... they let us sleep til 6:45am! It practically felt like vacation!

   
   

2. I love video cameras! I never need to lose the excitement in the kids' voices this morning, and the looks on their faces... especially when BigBro read the note from Santa explaining how he couldn't fit the wooden playhouse down the chimney and left it by the swingset instead. They all wanted to run outside, in their pjs and bare feet, to see it. We convinced them to let Dad go outside and take the tarp off the box. Now, we await two or three reasonably warm days for Mom and Dad to put it together. Hey Santa... how 'bout lending us some elf help?

   
   

3. Father's homily at mass this morning was one of his better ones. Typically, if Father walks down into the center aisle to deliver the homily, it is going to be one of the better ones, and today was no different. He talked about how Jesus was born into a "closed society:" the Roman Empire in which you believed that Augustus Caesar was the Son of God or you were killed. Jesus was born, humbly, into that society... and through his humility, forgiveness, and love, changed everything. We each live in our own "closed societies," whether we are closed by our own sin, or by the destruction of family dysfunction/alcoholism/drugs/etc. And yet, today, we celebrate Jesus' birth and His Presence in our lives, and if we let Him, our personal closed societies can also be forever changed.

   
   

4. It is such a gift to have my parents and niece here this year. I love when DH's family and my family are all together. Everyone gets along and I don't have that twinge of missing my family, even while enjoying DH's family. It was especially nice this year, since my Dad had his Santa suit, and made a post-dinner visit with a few packages that had fallen out of Santa's sleigh last night. How kind of Dad to help the old guy out today, so he could get some rest after circumnavigating the globe last night!

   
   

5. We stopped by DH's company HQ tonight, to drive through the campus and see the lights. On our way, we hit about 6 red lights. LilBro, totally and completely wound up, started calling out "Green Light" until the light changed... completely convinced that it was his words which actually changed the light. Then he would giggle and giggle. I wish there was a way to bottle that giggle.

   
   

6. "Merry Christmas, Mama. I love you," whispers Princess after I go back upstairs to settle down two wound-up sons, well past bedtime.

Glimpses of our Christmas Eve

Cuddle time for Princess and Grammy

Giggles for LilBro and PopPop

Angels We Have Heard on High (even the grouchy BigBro ones),

Sweetly singing o'er the plains

Posing in Christmas PJ's, the "before" picture


One last check on Santa's progress before heading off to bed.

Thanks, Norad!

Christmas Eve Eve Quick Takes

Hello, World! Man, I've missed you, but it's been so crazy I've barely had time to shower. (Oh, wait... I still haven't showered yet today!) Here's my attempt at catching up a bit.

1. DH's JOB IS SAFE!!!! (If there is anyone out there in the world who reads my blog and didn't know that, I so deeply apologize!) After getting the good news last Wednesday, I collapsed into a restless, but much needed sleep, only to awake on Thursday to realize that Christmas was in one week, we were hosting 75-100 people for our Annual Open House on Saturday, and I had no cookies left, no groceries bought, no real accounting of what gifts I had and what still remained to be bought (the downside of finishing nearly all my shopping before Advent). I panicked. I admit it. It happens to the best of us. Heck, even Karen panicked! But that explains my week long absence, in part at least.

   
   

2. The Christmas Letter is coming... it is, I promise. It's written and printed. Now, I just need to address the envelopes and jot the little personal notes on about half of them. It will get done. After all, Christmas hasn't even started yet... I still have 2 whole days til Christmas starts. (Yeah, that's right... that's my answer this year... you'll get your Christmas letter during Christmas, not Advent!)

   
   

3. Here is an Amazing Homily Reflection on Motherhood that my dear friend delivered at mass on Sunday. If you have a few minutes, please pop over and take a listen. I promise it will change the way you look at pregnancy, motherhood, and the consecration. If you are a Catholic/Christian mother (or you know a Catholic/Christian mother), it is a must-listen.

4. Our Annual Open House was a BLAST!!!! It started about 2 pm and didn't wind up until 11pm. We had over 100 people stop by. The kids were moving in packs. It was a crazy, chaotic, friend-and-blessing-filled day. We didn't get a chance to do any clean-up on Saturday night, and we had to get out to mass by 8:10 on Sunday morning. I exclaimed when we rushed downstairs on Sunday morning that this must be what a frat house looks like on Sunday mornings. My husband, the former fraternity president, replied, "Wouldn't know what it looked like at 8am, but this is pretty much how it looked when we got up around 2pm."

   
   

5. My parents and niece are here. They arrived safe and sound yesterday evening, to the great excitment of my kids. It was especially nice last night to get to celebrate my mom's birthday with her. We haven't been together for her birthday for 4 years. (Well, technically, her birthday was Sunday, but this was close enough for us!)

6. I can't believe LilBro will be 3 in less than one week. I keep snuggling him close, and thinking about how worried I was three years ago, that he would surprise us in the next few days, and I would miss Christmas at home with BigBro and Princess. He didn't. He stayed all snuggly and warm inside me until the 29th, when he slipped out of my abdomen and into my arms in just under 10 minutes. I can't seem to figure out how three years evaporated so quickly!

Prayer + Time

I am sitting here in the family room, watching flurries of snow falling outside, where the temperature is hovering around 18 degrees. It's too cold for the kids to be out reveling in the 1/4" of snow that fell overnight. They tried this morning. They really did. And after about 30 seconds, all three came right back in, red-cheeked, cold-fingered, shivery, and begging for hot chocolate.

My head aches, and I am in a bit of a funk. Tomorrow we will learn the fate of my husband's job. Lots of good, dedicated, hard-working people have lost their jobs in the past week. We just don't know what will happen with his position. I have not slept well in days, and got so little sleep last night that I didn't make it to mass this morning. So, I am in a bit of a funk right now.

But I am also thinking of all that need to be done; most especially, the Christmas card. Every year, I design a card that includes pictures of the kids and at least a quick overview of our year. It is typically one of my favorite activities... usually something I have done very shortly after Thanksgiving. But this year, I just can't get into it. Every time I sit down to work on it, I find myself stuck: we had such a full, blessed year... but if we end it with no employment, it's hard to see how anything else is relevant.

So, here I am, sitting on the couch, looking out the window. I started thinking about where I was a year ago. What was life like then? DH's company buyout was nowhere near the horizon. It was unthinkable back then. LilBro was almost 2, talking but much less than now, and still in diapers. Princess was still learning her letters; now she is a beginning reader. BigBro has come a long way in maturity and in self-discipline. Every day he is more and more of a "kid."

Where was I a year ago? I was lonely. 2007 had been a year of tremendous spiritual renewal, growth and change for me. I stepped out of my shell and into an active role in my parish. I reconnected with God and with His Church. But all of that change put a strain on my marriage. DH was not at the same place (or even on the same path) as me last year. I so vividly remember mass on the 4th Sunday of Advent last year. I went alone, and as I knelt in the pew praying before mass started, I found myself envying all of the women whose husbands were kneeling beside them, or who were helping them wrestle with small children to keep them quiet. I'd never felt so alone. I remember praying through my tears: "I can't fix this one, God. It's bigger than I am, so I'm giving it to you. Please bring him back to you. Please."

And then I let it all go. I did the best I could, at any rate. And over the next few months, if I felt that envy rise up or if I got annoyed at DH's lack of faith, I would remind myself that it was out of my hands. I had given that one over to God. It was His problem, now. It helped. Sometimes.

Suddenly, seemingly (to me) out of the blue, in early May, DH experienced his conversion. He came back fully to the Sacraments. He began praying on his own, and very quickly included me in his prayer time. We now end our days together in prayer, and I've seen our marriage blossom this year, as we've both placed God first in our lives. We now sit in this place, facing what a year ago was unthinkable, and we are reasonably calm. Yes, if he gets bad news tomorrow, we will have a little bit of panic, a little bit of mourning for the job he loved and the security we took for granted. But, really, our lives won't change dramatically. Our marriage is very strong, and will only grow stronger if tested by the fire. Our children are all healthy and (mostly) happy. We won't lose our home. We won't lose our friends, family, or parish community. Everything important will stay the same. Only our source of income will change.

This coming Sunday, the 4th Sunday of Advent, my family has been asked to carry all 4 candles up to the Advent Wreath during the processional at 8:30 am mass. In one very short year, we've gone from me alone, in tears, in the pew to our family, together, leading the processional on Sunday morning. Talk about unthinkable a year ago.

I can think of no more concrete way to show the power of prayer plus time.

The Spelling Champ!

BigBro competed in a spelling bee today that was open to all homeschoolers from first through eighth grade in our region.

He came in First Place in his grade (first), and will compete in an overall "spell-off" with the fourth and seventh grade winners sometime in January.

HOORAY!!!! Great Job, BigBro!!!!!!!!!!!!

Waiting

I've been caught between two different types of waiting this Advent. First, there's the joyful anticipation of Christ's coming (both the celebration of his first coming as an infant and the preparation for his second coming). The other waiting is the anxiety-ridden wait to learn whether or not my husband still has employment.

In the beginning, the second waiting was more theoretical than actual, and was easily overshadowed by the joyful, Christ-centered waiting. In fact, I think I've done a pretty good job this Advent in keeping our focus Christ-centered, and in enjoying the pace of Advent rather than rushing headlong into "Christmas" long before Dec. 25.

But this week, with the announcement on Monday of 1400 layoffs, and the confirmation from my husband's new VP that there would be layoffs in his department, the second, anxiety-ridden wait has stepped to the forefront.

This week has been a difficult one. We've watched as people we know (and friends/relatives of people we know) have found themselves suddenly jobless. As the week has gone by, our fears have risen. And we still know nothing. From this place, on Friday evening, it looks to be next Wednesday at the earliest that we will know his employment status.

And so we wait. And we try to keep our focus where it truly belongs. We will try to put aside the fears for this weekend, so that we can enjoy our kids, enjoy cutting down our Christmas tree and pulling out the precious ornaments, enjoy this time together as a family making memories we all will treasure always.

Maybe it's fitting that this Sunday is Gaudete Sunday... the pause amidst the waiting to rejoice in the knowledge that we are awaiting our Savior. I pray that we will be able to shift our focus this weekend back to a Christ-centered one. I pray that we will be able to surrender to whatever will happen, and just trust that all will work out as God has ordained.

Whoo-Hoo! Go Princess!

Yesterday afternoon, I took the kids to the science center to run off some of their excess cold-weather, stuck-inside, Christmas-cookie-eating energy. On our way there, we passed a sign that read "Zoo."

From the back of the van, Princess said this:

"Mama, why does that sign say 'zoo'?"

No sounding out. No pictures on the sign. And we were driving along at a pretty good clip... probably about 30-35 mph. I instantly realized what she had done: she had read a word, with no context, no prompting, no sounding out. She just read it.

I started cheering and congratulating her. She didn't even realize that she had done it. For the first time, Princess had read a word that wasn't written in a book or on a piece of paper right above mom's index finger!

She realized why I was so happy, and started to giggle. "I can't wait to tell Daddy that I can read!"

Yay, Princess! You go, girl!

Yummy.... Time for Baking....

This is the first time in years that I have looked forward to baking Christmas cookies. I will admit it... these past few years, I've been quite lazy about it. I've made a batch or two of a basic cookie, but that's been about it. Some years, I've completely cheated, and bought a few rolls of refrigerated dough, rolled it out, let the kids cut out and sprinkle colored sugar on them... and voila, 10 minutes later, we have "Christmas" cookies.


But this year, I am excited about baking. I've been wanting to find a "signature" cookie for several years now, and I am experimenting with several different ones this year.


Last week, I made a double-batch of sugar cookie dough, and we've already eaten our way through half of it. We'll roll out and make some more sugar cookies this afternoon.


This morning, I made Chocolate-dipped Butter Cookies (recipe below).... oooooh, yum! My bunco group is doing a cookie exchange this Friday, and I am bringing these. They took a little time to roll out and curl each one, and then to dip each in chocolate, but... YUM!


I am also planning a double-batch of my Oatmeal-White Chocolate-Cranberry cookies, as well as the Chocolate-Peppermint Canes I made last year for the cookie exchange. The kids may talk me into a gingerbread cookie as well. They made gingerbread men with Dad when I was out of town last month, and have talked of making more again soon.


And I will make a Cranberry-Apple Pie for Christmas Eve dessert (maybe two, one to bring to my sister-in-law's on Christmas Day).


It's so fun to be enjoying baking again!

Chocolate-Dipped Butter Cookies

2 C. Butter

1-1/2 C. white sugar

2 eggs

3 tsp. vanilla

4-1/2 C. flour

Confectioner's Sugar (for rolling)

1-10 oz. bag chocolate chips

2-3 Tbsp. shortening

Preheat oven to 400 F. Cream together butter, sugar, egg and vanilla until smooth. Stir in flour, a little at a time. You may have to knead the dough by hand at the end. Take a teaspoon of dough, and roll it out in confectioner's sugar until it makes a log about 6" long. Roll into itself to make a round cookie. Be sure to stick the end against the other dough so that it stays together. Set on cookie tray, about 1-2 inches apart.

Bake for 10 minutes. Allow to cool completely.

In a microwave-safe bowl, pour half a bag of chocolate chips and about 1-1/2 Tbsp of shortening. Microwave in short bursts (about 30 seconds), stirring between, until chocolate is melted and smooth. Dip cookie bottoms into chocolate and set upside down on wax-paper-lined cookie sheets. Set cookie sheets in fridge to set for about 1 hour.

This double-batch made about 7 dozen cookies.

Prayer Request

News just hit that my husband's company will be cutting an additional 1,400 jobs in the next two weeks nationwide, with 75% (about 1,050) of those losses hitting here in our hometown.

Please pray for all the employees at this and other companies who are facing layoffs. Pray for those who find themselves without jobs, and for their families, in facing this challenge. Pray for those left behind to pick up the extra work, and for the added stress this will place on their families.

Please, in this most busy time of year, please take some time out to pray for all of us facing these (and other) uncertainties, that we may take comfort in the knowledge that we are in Christ's arms, and that all is according to God's plan.

Glorias and Alleluias

I love Alleluias. I think of all the prayers we sing during mass, the Alleluias are my favorite. The Gloria is a close second.

I think of that today because we were gifted with the Gloria this morning during mass for the Feast of the Immaculate Conception. BigBro turned to me with a huge smile and joyful eyes when our Music Director played the first bars of the Gloria on the piano. It's only been two weeks, but we both are missing the Gloria.

At least during Advent, we still sing the Alleluia. Every time we've sung it lately, I feel a small tinge of sadness, knowing that Lent will be here before we know it, and I will be desperately missing the Alleluias for six whole weeks.

Perhaps this seems like a silly little thing to notice. I think it stands out more to me because of the different styles of our two priests. Father likes to sing, has a strong singing voice, and most commonly presides over 6:30 am daily mass, which has become my staple in the past few months. Pastor is not a singer, and his daily masses are incredibly, reverently quiet. He typically presides over the 8:15 daily mass. Because I get to the 6:30 mass way more often than an 8:15 mass, I am used to singing the Alleluia. The difference is striking on those mornings when Pastor is presiding, and instead of greeting the Gospel with song, we use silence. On those mornings, I always feel that tinge of sadness, anticipating those long six weeks without any Alleluias.

On the other hand, that's one of the benefits of the liturgical year. Just as I more fully appreciate a gorgeous, 65 degree day when I am suffering through the subfreezing temperatures of February, I more fully appreciate the glories of singing praise to the Lord when we are forced to fill that same space with silence for part of the year.

The Dance Recitals

Here they are... the big Christmas Dance Recitals!

First, LilBro... he's the small blond boy in the red, snowman pj's:



And now, Princess... she is the tiny one on the far left side of the screen:

Bits of a Busy Weekend

This was a busy weekend around here, with lots of things going on. Here are a few little bits:

-1-

Marriage and More Group: We met on Friday night, and it looks to be a really good group. There is a lot of enthusiasm for this. We are going to meet on the first Friday of each month, and will spend the next 5 months sharing our stories, a little at a time. DH and I are hosting the January meeting, and the topic is "How We Met." I think all of us are looking forward to having one night a month when we are guaranteed to spend some time remembering why we married our spouses!

-2-

St. Nick's Visit: St. Nick made a stop at our house on Friday night, much to the delight of three small children. He filled all our shoes with chocolates. But Mom's favorite thing was the wooden Advent calendar he left on the dining room table. I've been eyeing one of those for years. How incredibly generous of the good Saint to leave one for us!

-3-

Visit with Santa: DH took the three kids to see Santa yesterday afternoon (so I could have some quiet time to myself).

-4-

Nativity Pageant: This morning, the Preschool of Religion hosted a Nativity pageant... which is a totally separate post. Too cute!

-5-

Dance Recital: And in about 20 minutes, we are leaving to go to Princess' and LilBro's Christmas Dance Recital... which will also be uploaded and posted as soon as possible.

The Nativity Pageant

This weekend was the Preschool of Religion Nativity Pageant... an annual attempt to corral 3 and 4 year olds in recreating the Nativity of our Lord. It is usually good for a few laughs. This year, the program has some new leadership, and it was, in my estimation, the most "professional" work we've gotten from this age group yet.



Princess is Mary, LilBro was the tiny Shepherd, and BigBro had a cameo as the 3rd Wise Man (he was the bowing wise man, sans crown).



ENJOY!!!!

Jesus, Matthew and Anger

This week, I read Matthew Chapter 5, the beginning of the Sermon on the Mount. I was reminded again just how radical Jesus' teaching were (and still are). He certainly didn't come to earth 2,000 years ago to have a beer with us and pat us on the back for doing such a good job. He came to save us, yes, but also to teach us how to live, how to love, and how to do both with joy and hope. But his prescription for living is by no means easy:

21 "You have heard that it was said to the people long ago, 'Do not murder,
and anyone who murders will be subject to judgment.'
22 But I tell you that anyone who is angry with his brother will be subject to judgment. Again, anyone who says to his brother, 'Raca,' is answerable to the Sanhedrin. But anyone who says, 'You fool!' will be in danger of the fire of hell.

I have a hard time seeing anger right up there with murder, probably because anger is one of my "favorites" of the deadly sins. I definitely don't like thinking of my flaring temper as the equivalent of taking another's life. This section of Matthew is more than a little uncomfortable for me, and something I've been praying about and meditating on all week.

I've also been reading "Amazing Grace: A Vocabulary of Faith" by Kathleen Norris. She has this to say about anger:

"But human anger can never be as simply and essentially righteous as God's
anger; in us, even well-placed anger all too easily becomes mean and
self-serving. It can cause us to lose both our focus and our
balance." (p. 126)

And an example from this week comes to mind. I had one of those 4-hour appointment blocks for a repair person to fix a small problem with our new refrigerator. This was the third time I was given a four-hour block of time to sit and wait for a repair person for this particular repair. The first time, I got a call 3 hours and 55 minutes into the waiting time to say that no one would be able to come that day. The second time, a repair person showed up at the 3 hour, 55 minute mark only to tell me that he did not have the necessary part and would have it shipped to me. When would it be convenient for me to sit at home for 4 hours and await his return to install the new part? Tuesday of this week was the date we chose.

Tuesday came, and again, at the 3:55 mark, I received a phone call. Someone would be there within 1 hour, promise, guaranteed, cross-my-heart-and-hope-to-die. An hour went by. An hour and a half. Two hours. I was frustrated. I was angry, and I'll even say that, to some extent, my anger was justified. I called the repair service, and was patched through one Customer Service Rep after another. I requested supervisors. Mysteriously, I kept getting disconnected, and was forced to call back in, dial my way through the automated answering system, and re-state my entire life story three additional times. To say that my frustration grew exponentially would be a bit of an understatement.

But here's where Norris was right (and where I can see what Jesus is getting at)... very quickly, as I was fed one set of scripted lines after another, my anger turned mean and self-serving. I became rude, unpleasant, demanding. Finally, in a flare of my temper, I just hung up.* Never in all of this did I take a moment out to pray. Never did I stop and consider that it was another human being I was talking to (ok, yelling at)... and not even the human being responsible for my having to wait and wait and wait.

So, it makes me uncomfortable to equate anger with murder, but are they really all that different? Is it that much of a stretch to see how unchecked anger can lead to murder? Or at the very least, can lead to saying or doing hurtful things, things that I might never consider saying or doing in my calm, rational mind? Can I admit that my temper tantrums might damage others, causing unnecessary, perhaps even lasting, pain and suffering?

Norris writes that "the remedy for all anger is prayer." Jesus tells us, a little later in Matthew, to love our enemies and pray for those who persecute us. Well, I think persecution would be a stretch for the source of most of my anger... but the teaching is the same: pray for those who cause us distress, in whatever form. My favorite Confessor always gave me that same counsel: pray, and then pray some more.

Now, if I could just remember to do that before I reach the point of anger.

*In case you are wondering, after I hung up, I opened up the package with the replacement part and installed it myself. Then, I spent the rest of the day scouring my house, in an attempt to work off my frustration. It wasn't until late in the day that I thought to stop and pray, and finally found calm. By then, the repair person had stopped by (4 1/2 hours later than the phone call had promised; 8 1/2 hours past when our "scheduled" time slot began), I told him I had fixed it, and he left.

My New Patron Saint - St Lydia

I have a new patron saint, courtesy of The Church Ladies. A quick internet search on St Lydia brought up this information:

Saint Lydia was born during the first century in Thyatira, a town famous for its dye works in Asia Minor. She was a seller of purple dye and was St. Paul's first convert at Philippi. The following is from the Acts of the Apostles:

"And a certain woman named Lydia, a seller of purple, of the city of
Thyatira, one that worshipped God, did hear: whose heart the Lord opened to
attend to those things which were said by Paul. And when she was baptized, and
her household, she besought us, saying: If you have judged me to be faithful to
the Lord, come into my house, and abide there. And she constrained us."
Acts 16:14-15

Lydia was a woman of hospitality, a woman of faith, and a successful businesswoman. Lydia served the Lord through her gift of hospitality by welcoming others into her home, and allowing her home to become a center of prayer and worship for Paul and the early Christians.

St Lydia, help me to do the same. Help me to make my home always be a welcoming place for others, and a place where prayer and worship are given highest priority.

7 Quick Takes

Jen over at Conversion Diary started the "Quick Take" Friday a few weeks ago. I love the format for blog-reading, but it never really appealed to me for a post, until this week. I've been incredibly disjointed this week, and I have little bits of posts floating around in my head, but no real plan for pulling them into a complete post (or 4). When I was catching up on my blog reading this morning, I realized I could take care of these little bits all at once! Genuis, Jen!

-1-

"Too Ra Loo Ra Loo Ra"... LilBro has been having a rough morning. Well, I guess it started last night. It was his turn to blow out the candle in the Advent wreath, and he got too close and burned his lip. Then, this morning, he fell and scraped his nose. And he just now bit the inside of his cheek. Rough morning for the not-quite-three-year-old. So, what to do when life is hitting you so hard? Seek out comfort in your favorite place: Mom's lap. As he lay in my arms, looking so very miserable, I started to sing the little Irish song my Grandpa used to sing to me. And just for a moment, the veil that separates us from those who have gone on ahead of us was lifted, and the three of us were here together: Grandpa, LilBro and me.

-2-

I love "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer." It was on t.v. the other night, and I recorded it for the kids. It's playing right now in the background. I think this is the third time it's played since yesterday morning. My favorite part: yesterday, Princess called to me in the other room so excited... "Mama, you need to come here RIGHT NOW. Rudolph is going to pull Santa's sleigh! Mama, he's helping Santa!" And you know, I was just as happy about that as she was!

-3-

I've been fielding a lot of "interesting" questions lately from BigBro and Princess: "If the scientists say the universe was created by the Big Bang and the Bible says God created the universe, who's right?" "Did Jesus really make everything?" "How does the sperm get inside the Mom's belly to meet up with the egg and make a baby?"

Let's just say I've been really grateful that I am the one getting these questions. Grateful that we are homeschooling, that we are together nearly all the time, and so I am the natural recipient of these types of questions. Grateful that my kids feel that they can ask me anything. Grateful to my faith for the answers. I am not so sure I would have been able to answer all these questions as confidently a few years ago.

-4-

Have you ever had a prayer answered, and then been too chicken to carry through with your end of the deal? While I was at mass this morning, that thought came into my head. I've been praying for nearly a year now for help finding a new Spiritual Director. Last Friday morning, after mass, I had a conversation with a woman who suggested a friend of hers. She checked with her friend, got the ok to give me her contact info, and I've been sitting on that info since Monday night. Yes... it's been an unusually busy week, and I want to have some time to make this phone call somewhat uninterrupted. But I also think that my shyness and insecurities are playing at least a little role here.

Need to make that phone call a priority for this afternoon.

-5-

My friend and I are doing "kid swaps" so that we can get some free time to ourselves every other week. It's the same homeschooling family that we do the overnight kid swaps once a month so we can get good couple time. We started doing the same thing once a week during the day for 3.5 hours. It makes a big difference knowing that I have some time I can schedule as I want (or just run errands solo!). Today, I have her kids while she picks up her husband at the airport (he's been gone since Saturday) and has a little time reconnecting with him without the kids. I smile every time I think about this little gift I get to give her today.

It's really neat when giving a kindness really is as good as receiving one.

-6-

Tonight is the first meeting of our new Marriage and More group. Our parish has 4 existing groups, which have been together anywhere from 3-15 years. It is a spiritually-based marriage support group. I have been really looking forward to it. We have 5 couples committed and one maybe couple. The Deacon and his wife will run tonight's meeting, and after that, we are on our own to take the group wherever we want.

-7-

I've been reading the Gospel According to Matthew this Advent, and I have to say that it is exactly what I've needed to read. I have a full post on this in the works, but Chapter 5 is really challenging me. Anger = Murder. Lust = Adultery. Love your enemies. No, really, love your enemies. Challenging stuff.

Last night, I was wandering in the religion section of the bookstore, and happened across Anne Rice's memoir of her conversion back to Catholicism. I have never been an Anne Rice fan (vampires creep me out) but I can't resist conversion stories. I stood there and skimmed through the final 1/3 of the book, where she talks about what brought her back home to the Church, and how it has changed her fiction since then. She had a whole section on Matthew, specifically Chapter 5 and the challenge it lays down. She put into words much of what has been in my head all week: this Christianity thing is not easy, not one little bit.

More on this later; there's too much here for a "quick take."

Happy Friday!

A little break...

OK, so it's been one of those weeks... I've been dealing with a cold, trying to get back into the routine of schoolwork after Thanksgiving break, and fighting the winter doldrums. I have 3 or 4 half-done posts in the works (and will probably publish like crazy all at once as soon as I make the time to sit down and finish them). In the meantime, Sarah had this on her website, and it looked like fun...

How to play: BOLD anything you have done.

1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland (DisneyWorld)
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sang a solo
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelos David
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Got flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten Caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Bible (over the course of years, not all at once)
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee
100. Read an entire book in one day

Starting Off Right

Happy Advent! We got our Advent off to a wonderful start yesterday.

It was the first time all five of us have been together for Sunday mass in several weeks. I carried the purple candle up to the wreath on the altar during the procession. BigBro and Princess were actually pretty involved in the mass. LilBro climbed all over me (as usual), but at least he was quiet.

Yesterday evening, we blessed our Advent wreath, and had our first prayer service.

The kids took the first link off their prayer chains, and we added the first ornament to our Jesse Tree. One of BigBro's friends was visiting at the time, and he jumped right in enthusiastically.

Then, I headed back over to the parish for the Women's Advent by Candlelight dinner. It was incredible! So beautiful, so prayerful, so friend-filled and Christ-centered. A wonderful way to start this beautiful season. We were blessed to have Sister Rosalind Moss as

our guest speaker. She has an amazing story, and had me both laughing and crying throughout her talk. I loved her description of the Blessed Mother: "Mary? She's a Jewish mother. And she says, 'Have I got a son for you!' " I don't think I will ever think of the Blessed Mother the same way! But truly, I loved the Advent by Candlelight program. It was the first year my parish has done this program, and I am certain it won't be the last.