A Monk's Heart

In Spiritual Direction the other night, I made some small joke about celibacy looking quite enticing these days, and after laughing and agreeing, Father responded that we all - celibate or not - needed to have "a monk's heart."

What does that mean?

Our conversation delved into the longing that we all feel in the core of our beings... the longing that is never really quenched: not in marriage, not in priesthood. We both feel it. And it doesn't mean that our vocation choices were wrong, that we mis-read a call. It means that St. Augustine was right: Our "hearts are restless, Lord, until they rest in You."

The next day, I came across this quote from Chesterton: "Let your religion be less of a theory and more of a love affair." I emailed this to Father, who wrote back encouraging words... urging me to "nurture that love affair, keep it vibrant, fresh alive -- the challenge of a lifetime!"

I think about the peace and joy... deep, contented joy... that I feel when I am alone with the Blessed Sacrament, or alone at Vision of Peace, where I can focus on God, free from the distractions of my everyday life. I long for that peace. I long to feel that connection in my everyday, ordinary life.

Which isn't to say that my life isn't filled with peace and joy outside of my rare moments of divine communion. There are incredible moments of grace in the living of my ordinary life... listening to Princess reading aloud to me, hiking with our friends on an autumn afternoon, nestling in DH's arms at the end of the day. These are real moments of grace, peace, joy.

And still the longing persists.

Still, my heart seeks Him.