A Success I Need to Remember

If you've been reading me lately, you know I've been struggling with my self-image. Last Monday night, I curled up on the couch with DH, and he laid it out for me plainly. Here are the areas where you could use some work. But, make no mistake, Jen, here are the areas where you really are "that good."

At the time, I smiled. For the first time in a while, I was actually able to hear what he was saying. I really could hear the good and not just the bad.

But, last night, I got to see what DH was saying on Monday night. And I got to see it on the face of my former Pastor.

Last night, I did a presentation on the new Roman Missal for my Pastor's new liturgy committee. When he hired me to do this work for him, he told me he believed in me. When we met to discuss the details of the project in early January, and I handed him a multi-page proposal, he said he was impressed, but not surprised.

Last night, I surprised him. I didn't realize it at the time. I just showed up early to set up my laptop and projector, made small talk with the committee members as they arrived, and then presented the information to the group. I just answered their questions and concerns, sharing my thoughts and understanding of the material. I commiserated. I explained. I encouraged. In other words, I did what I was contracted to do. And, when I was done, I sat down and listened to the remaining items on the meeting agenda, generally pleased with how the presentation had gone.

After the meeting, Pastor offered to walk me out to the car. On the way, he gushed. (And, let me be clear, Pastor is not a gusher). He told me he was impressed. He was pleased. He knew I would do a fine job, but I had gone way beyond his expectations. I had surprised him.

We stood in the parking lot outside the church, and I met his eyes. I smiled; I said, "I impressed you." He returned the smile. "You did. I knew you would be good. I just didn't know you'd be that good." DH's words.

Of course, it was easy for me to be that good; I was talking about my faith, and I am passionate about my faith. Still, after the rough few months my self-image has had, after all the frustrations and self-recriminations I have suffered, it does feel good to have knocked that one out of the park.

It's been a long time since I've had a "professional" life to speak of, and certainly since I've considered myself to be a "professional." Don't get me wrong. I love my life. I love being home with my kids, and consider every day to be a real blessing. But, it also feels really great to have the chance to exercise my mental and professional muscles again.

As I continue to come to terms with those parts of me I don't like and want to change, it is nice to have the opportunity to recognize some of the talents, abilities, and assets I do have. Seeing the good as well as the bad is helping me paint a more whole picture of the woman in the mirror.

I'm getting there.... one day at a time.