What to Expect from the Unexpected

This week, my thoughts (and our Gospel readings) have been filled with Elizabeth and Mary. On Tuesday afternoon, at Vision of Peace, I had the immense pleasure of celebrating mass with Fr. Bob, truly one of the most Spirit-filled persons I have ever met. He challenged me, during his homily, to dig deeper, to ponder those months Mary and Elizabeth spent together, to consider the little conversations they shared, both expecting the unexpected.

Elizabeth and Zechariah were older, settled in their lives. They had likely made peace, long ago, with the fact that they were childless. I can imagine that they had their routines in place. Their life was a tidy one, simple and neat, ordinary and predictable.

I am always surprised at how harshly the angel treats Zechariah's questions. Gabriel is so much more understanding when Mary questions him. But, I wasn't there, and maybe there was a tone in his voice, or a tilt to his head, that displayed disbelief rather than wonder and confusion.

I try to imagine Elizabeth's response. Her husband is suddenly both deaf and mute. We know he can write, so I'm sure he must have written the whole story for her. I'm certain she wants to believe him, but it all seems so strange. How can I bear a child at this late age? How will I raise this child? What if we don't live long enough to see the child to adulthood? Do I have the energy and stamina to chase a toddler at this stage in the game?

I wonder if Elizabeth ever thought, especially after Mary shared her story of Gabriel's asking for her cooperation, "why didn't I get a choice?"

I imagine Mary and Elizabeth, sitting on the front steps of Elizabeth's house, late afternoon, burgeoning bellies. I hear their talk: the aches and pains of late pregnancy, Mary's long journey back to Nazareth, what to prepare for dinner that night. And, through it all, a wonder and a trust in this God who has given these two women unexpected pregnancies. What a comfort they must have been to each other! Both of them together, surprised by the power of God and the miracle of the lives growing within them.

I wonder what Elizabeth felt as she held her tiny newborn son, this unexpected child of her older years. Was she overwhelmed with fear and doubt? How could she be enough, do enough, raise this child to be who God intended? Or, was she calm, joy-filled and sure that the Lord had everything in hand, that it was all going to unfold according to His divine plan?

This morning, we heard that the word of John's birth, and Zechariah's miraculous recovery, spread through the hill country of Judea. “What, then, will this child be? For surely the hand of the Lord was with him.” (Lk. 1:66)

It was right that the people throughout Judea 2,000 years ago asked this question, for surely the hand of God was with John the Baptist.

And, just a surely, the hand of God is with us today. What, then, will our lives be?

Odds and Ends

** Advent is almost over. How did that happen already? But, it's true. One week from tomorrow is Christmas Eve. (Boy, I wish Lent would go so quickly. Maybe I should start sending out Easter gifts and Easter cards and see how that affects my feeling that Lent is never going to end).

** Today, I had a wonderful phone call. I heard from the director of the institute where I took two classes this fall. I had written a long, detailed, factual but frustrated letter evaluating the one course I greatly disliked. He called to apologize for my having such a negative experience, and for the failings of his instructor. I was surprised, touched, gratified. It was a truly wonderful experience, to be heard, and to have my concerns meet concern in return.

And then he offered to give me full credit toward another class of my choosing. Truly, I'd never considered that. It wasn't something I would have asked for. But, I will gladly take a free class. I am happy just having been heard. The free class was the cherry on top!

** I am almost there. The boxes were shipped to the coast yesterday. The cards were mailed today. I have the final teacher gifts to wrap tonight, in time for the kids' last day of enrichment classes. Tomorrow, LilBro and I will finish up the lingering bits of shopping while the others are in class. Saturday night is our annual Christmas party; this year, we've opted to trade in the chaotic 80+ guest open house style for a much more intimate adults-only soiree. Excluding kids meant some good friends are unable to join us, but I am finding myself looking so forward to a quieter, more peace-filled, gentler Christmas party. Without dozens of young kids running around, I can light a lot more candles, set some music in the background, and plan to sit down and visit with my guests (shocker!) for a while. If it turns out even 1/4 as good as I am imagining it, the no-kids party will be our new holiday tradition.

** Yesterday, my good friend asked how my Advent was going, and I almost said, "what Advent?" It's been so chaotic, with so many different balls in the air, that I've hardly had time to consider Advent beyond a few small posts. But, that's ok. I am still praying. God is with me, and I am anticipating a quieter Christmas Eve this year, time to sit by the fire, watch the tree, and count my blessings. And, I am escaping, once again, to Vision of Peace, for a few days at the beginning of next week. I have some work to get done, projects needing attention. But, I also plan to sit, to be still in the chapel and soak up the Divine Presence in the Blessed Sacrament. I plan to welcome Emmanuel in my own little way, so that by the time the Christ Child joins us at mass on Friday evening, I will be present, in the moment. Even if the rest of my Advent was less than I would have liked.

** What about you? As Advent begins to wind down, how are you preparing your heart to greet Jesus Christ? What is standing in your way?

Just a Little More...

Imagine for a moment that you are very powerful. Perhaps you run a multi-billion-dollar corporation. Perhaps you are the king of a small, weathy nation. Perhaps you are a great military general. Hundreds, thousands of people do as you say when you say. If you wish it, it is done.

Got the image in your mind?

What do you suppose your home life is like? Would you live in a large home, fully appointed with all of the best? Would you eat delicious foods prepared by a personal chef? Watch the latest movies in your state-of-the-art home theater? What comforts would become "necessities?" What things could you imagine you would never have to live without again?

I know that, for me, money often equals security. I am always thinking that if we had just a little more, then I could relax. I could stop worrying. I could give away more. I could affect great change in favor of the poor, the unrepresented, the lost. If I only had a little more money....

Imagine what I could do with a lot more, I tell myself.

But, lately, as I consider the Incarnation, I wonder about the choice God made when He took on human flesh. He could have come to earth in a blaze of glory, conquering armies with a swipe of His hand, and setting up in the most extravagant palace ever known.

He could have waited until our current digital age, first alerting the media, and ensuring that the 24-hour news cycle covered nothing but His coming for weeks on end. YouTube videos of the event would be passed around in a virulent email frenzy.

He could have made His coming about power and glory and greatness and worship and fear.

Instead, He was poor. Weak. A helpless infant born to ordinary parents, unable even to find adequate shelter for him.

Why make the choice He made? Why come quietly, in the dark night, into a time and place where word traveled slowly, painstakingly?

Why choose to be poor? A helpless child?

Why choose to be cold and uncomfortable? To enter into an existence which is hard, by any standards?

Perhaps the truth is that physical comfort is not all that important.

Perhaps physical comfort is what gets in the way of what is really important. I find myself wishing for just a little more, imagining that I will somehow garner security/peace/joy in an extra few dollars, or a family vacation, or ....

Perhaps I have all that I need, and then some. Perhaps I am not supposed to be seeking my own comfort, seeking just a little more and instead am supposed to be seeking to ensure that more people have just enough.

Imagine, again, the above scenario. You have money, power, and influence. You can change the world. By your word, you can make it so.

And, instead of glorifying yourself, you spent your time caring for the poor, the lost, the lonely, the sick, and the dying.

And, in the end, you were persecuted, tortured and killed for doing so.

And, still, your example meant nothing. Your birthday became an excuse for people to seek just a little more, to celebrate comfort over peace, to elevate self over others.

Imagine.

Thoughts on the Incarnation

It's Advent.

It's dark at 4:30pm.

Our purple candle and wooden Mary-on-donkey are making their nightly journey around the spiral to Bethelem.

We light the candles in the wreath, read the scriptures, place the ornaments on our Jesse tree, and pass out the chocolates from behind the little numbered doors.

We cut down a tree, address cards to faraway friends and family, and listen to music heard only in December.

In so many ways, we prepare our hearts, our home, and our children to celebrate the coming of Christ.

And, this year, I am filled with thoughts of the Incarnation. My mind is filled with images not of a tiny baby in a manger, but of the Creator of the Universe. I consider this Being, this One with no beginning and no end, the One who started it all, and can -- someday, may -- end it all.

What is it about this One that He chose to put on human flesh? Why leave the perfection and peace of Heaven to walk among us, the dirty, dusty, cold, sad, hardened, weak and broken?

I know all of the usual answers to these questions: love, reconciliation, peace, longing for one-ness with us.

But, this year, I can't resist asking why? Were we worth it? Are we worth it?

In His place, would I choose the same thing? Would I choose to leave perfection and peace, to set aside my own comfort and agenda for another?



Hmmm... it's probably a very good thing that I am not the Creator of the Universe.

Ready or Not, Advent is Coming....

Believe it or not, Advent starts in just over 3 weeks.

I know. Take a deep breath. I just did. Actually, go ahead and take another. And another.


I don't have time for much more right now, so here's a repost from last year... ways to make Advent special without making yourself crazy. (I still end up crazy, but when you start out more than halfway there, as I do, it's not hard to get all the way to crazy by mid-December!)


Be at peace, my friends. Take deep breaths and remember: Advent comes once a year. What doesn't get done this year, can wait until next!

********

A little preparation now will ensure that your Advent really is about preparing to greet our Savior... and not preparing to lose your mind once again amidst the wrapping, the shopping, the baking, and the mailing.

1. Begin with a plan. December is a crazy month, filled to the brim. If you begin now, you can plan to include some special events, and to celebrate the special feasts. This is the time to mark off space in your calendar for the important family events: cutting down the Christmas tree, taking a Christmas portrait, caroling, attending a Tree Lighting Ceremony, visiting a light display, seeing a performance of "The Nutcracker," etc.

Take the time to think about what really matters to you and your spouse. Prioritize the events, activities and memories you want to make with your children. Then spend an evening online, locating dates and times, ordering tickets (if necessary), and plugging these activities into your family calendar.

2. Don't Forget Your Faith. December is chock full of special days to celebrate: St. Nicholas, St. Lucia, the Immaculate Conception, Our Lady of Guadalupe, St. Juan Diego. Some parishes pray a Christmas Novena or sing the O Antiphons. Opportunities to explore the richness of our faith abound during Advent.

Again, making a plan is key. Discuss which feasts will work for your family this year, put them on the calendar, and make note of any preparations you need to make in advance (ie, shoring up treats from St Nick or supplies for St Lucy's bread).

3. Keep your eyes on the prize. Remember what this season is really about, and start planning your own Advent practice. Perhaps you will decide to spend 10 minutes every morning reading scripture. Or you'll add a Rosary to your morning commute. Maybe you want to try getting to daily mass one morning a week during Advent, or you need to (finally) get to the Sacrament of Reconciliation.

The time to consider your spiritual commitment to Advent is now. Give it some thought, some prayer. Don't try to make major changes during this already busy time, but do consider making some small change or addition to help keep your heart and mind focused on Christ this year.

4. Do NOT even try to do it all. You are hereby forbidden from attempting to do it all. You may not do every activity, craft, spiritual suggestion, and prayer practice that you see here (or anywhere else). This is not the year to make yourself crazy. That's the whole point of the plan: choose what sounds best for your family this year.

There's always next year to make the homemade gingerbread model of Notre Dame while singing "O Christmas Tree" in German with your five year old. Trust me. Next year, Advent will pop up right after Thanksgiving, and you are welcome to try it all then. This year, we are going to take it easy, make a plan, and keep our hearts rightly focused. Nothing else matters.

Holey-ness

In the past month, I've been on the receiving end of some of the most uncharitable and just plain "mean" behaviors... in, of all places, daily mass. More specifically, the 8:15 daily mass in my parish chapel. Those involved often hold themselves up as "pillars" in our little church, as evidenced by the fact that they attend daily mass and are active in many volunteer positions/ministries in the parish.

Which got me to thinking... I attend daily mass. I am active in many volunteer positions and ministries in my parish. Am I just another Pharisee, loudly proclaiming my "holiness?" I'll bet there are way more hypocrites at daily mass than filling the pews on Sundays.

So, you can see the need for my blog-silence this Advent. This is something I've needed to figure out in my heart. Because if I am just a hypocrite, if I am just going through the motions for appearances sake, and not actually internalizing the teachings of Christ... well, then I need to stop. All of it. Now.

***

It hasn't been an easy Advent. There've been extra external stressors added to the usual holiday fare. My prayer life has been dry and "same old, same old." And always, always, these nagging questions: am I just going through the motions? Is there a purpose to my mass attendance? My prayer life? Am I moving, even incrementally, closer to Christ... or am I just posing as a Christian?

Last Tuesday night, I was gifted with the chance to explore some of these struggles with my friend. We are still getting to know each other on the surface level, and yet we already know each other so deeply on a spiritual level. We talked for hours. And then, we prayed for another hour. We spent a lot of that time together in the chapel in silence. For the first time in a long time, my heart softened to let Him in... and to shine His light in my darkness.

I got some answers to my questions.

In the silence, He showed me my holey-ness. He showed me all the places where I am broken and torn by anger, by refusing forgiveness, by stubbornness, by selfishness. He showed me where I am needing healing, peace, mercy and reconciliation. He pointed out the times when I am a hypocrite.

And He showed me being fed at His table each morning, fed by my community, fed by morning prayer with Father and Deacon, fed by His Word and His people. He showed me struggling to answer the 5:45 alarm, making the effort not because I am holy, but because I need Him. I need to start my day with mass and prayer. I know how much better my day will go if I do. I know how much harder it all gets when I don't.

***

So, here I am, in deepest, darkest Advent... just three days from the feast of Christmas. I am approaching this feast with peace. My spiritual dryness is being quenched. I know myself better now. There is a big gift there. I've learned to forgive... and to pray for... those people from the 8:15 mass. Another gift.

I've come face to face with my own holey-ness. And I've been assured that the antidote for holey-ness is Christ.

And that is the greatest gift of all.

Cookie Observation

I can't tell if it's just an age difference, or an age and gender difference, but the amount of decorating sugars you need seems inversely proportional to your age:

LilBro:

Princess:

BigBro:

Of course, they all taste really yummy, no matter how they look!

Enjoying the Waiting

We are having so much fun this Advent!

Last year, St. Nick brought me a wooden Advent calendar, filled with Hershey's kisses (enough for each child every day til Christmas). This year, the kids have bags of leftover Halloween candy (one piece for each day of Advent) and have been given 2 chocolate-a-day Advent calendars. So, refilling the wooden calendar with chocolates, as the good Saint did, seemed a bit... over the top.

Instead, I filled it with slips of paper, each detailing a family activity for us to do that day.

We've made Christmas crafts, written letters to Santa, and learned a new Christmas carol. And it's only December 3. Some of the activities are more prayerful. Some are service-oriented. Some are just plain fun.

We still do our short family prayer service every night around the Advent wreath. It's particularly sweet this year: the kids really know the process. We sing "O come, o come, Emmanuel," read a short passage from the Bible relating to that day's Jesse Tree ornament, share the prayer intentions from our prayer chains, and end with an "Our Father." The whole thing takes about 5 minutes, and has become a real tradition in our family... something all five of us look forward to.

We're having so much fun this Advent, Christmas can take its time in coming.

Happy Advent!

We've started our Advent in a wonderful way. Friday, I got most of the decorations out and up, and our Advent plan in place.

This morning, after mass, we visited the "Santa House," where we listened to a story, watched a puppet show, got a warm, chocolate chip cookie from Mrs. Claus, and spent a few minutes visiting (and posing for pictures) with Santa.

Then, we came home, ate lunch, and lit the first purple candle on our Advent wreath. BigBro read to us from Genesis. The kids tore the first link off their paper chains and shared their prayer intention for the day. We prayed together. Then Princess put the first ornament on the Jesse Tree and LilBro snuffed out the candle.

Tonight, I am hosting a table for our parish's Advent by Candlelight celebration. The speaker is Sr. Carla Mae Streeter, rumored to be a dynamic speaker. I am looking forward to delicious food, an inspiring talk, and warm conversation with good friends.

I hope your first day of Advent is as filled with big and little blessings.

Taking My Own Advice... Or Not, As The Case May Be

Ok, so a few weeks ago, I admonished the rest of you not to try to do it all in preparing for Advent this year... and then I completely ignored my own words, and tried to do it all.

In addition to DH's travel (he's gone again this week), buying a new car, and negotiating with the network over the reality tv thing, I'm still homeschooling, laundry-washing, grocery-buying, and so on. Oh, and yeah... I realized just the other day that Thanksgiving is next week... and we are hosting DH's family.

So, I freaked. It's bound to happen, right?

I've spent the past few days getting organized. The kids' rooms have been cleaned and de-cluttered. The house has been picked up again (at least the main level is still in pretty good shape, just needs the daily maintenance). I've bought everything we need for Thanksgiving, and nearly everything I need for Advent by Candlelight (the Sunday after Thanksgiving). I've been shopping online and made a significant dent in my holiday list. And I've started the master list designed to get me through these next 6 weeks without freaking out (again).

I am scheduled to go to Vision of Peace on Sunday afternoon, and stay until late morning on Tuesday. Originally, I planned to bring all sorts of projects to work on. Then, I planned to spend part of Monday Christmas shopping, using Vision of Peace for my home base. But now, I think I'll do neither. What I most need right now is quiet, solitude and prayer. Especially prayer.

I have several books waiting for me to read them. I know I need a nap or three. And my poor, neglected body is craving the feel of pavement and the rush of cool air... so I'm certain there is a run or two in there. And that's about it, I think. My calm before the rush of the holidays.

And hopefully, the rush of this week, the master list, and all that I am accomplishing now will allow me to enter prayerfully into Advent and to take that season more gently, more rightly-focused, and more patiently than I've tackled November.

One can always hope, right?

Advent Prep: Fun for the Kids

We try to make Advent it's own special season in our family, and not just a month of Christmas-based excitement. For us, the key to this is to combine Christmas-anticipation with some simple traditions that keep our minds and hearts rightly focused.

Here are some simple things we do. (Remember, you do not need to do everything every year... some things make good annual traditions, and some things work for a season or two and then need a break).

• Prayer Chain Countdown: We've done this one every single year since BigBro was a toddler. We make a simple paper chain (or three, as the case is now), with one link for every day in Advent. Last year, we used purple and pink construction paper to match the chains with the candle colors in our Advent wreath. Each child writes names of people they love on the paper slips before they are curled into the chain. Every night of Advent, we remove one link from each of the chains, and include those people in our family prayers.

  
  

• Advent Calendars: Whether homemade, scripture-based, or chocolate-filled, what child doesn't love the thrill of opening a new box every day? We always end up with multiple variations of Advent calendars every year, and they are always a lot of fun.

  
  

• Advent Wreath: We have a very simple Advent wreath that sits on our dining room table. Every night of Advent, we light the candles before dinner. After dinner, we share a short prayer time (including the intentions from our prayer chains), and then the best part: the kids get to blow out the candles. (Though, this year, I found a cute little candle sniffer on clearance, and am looking forward to the fun of watching them snuff out the candles as opposed to blowing hot wax on their sibs!)

  
  

• Activity Books: We supplement our religion program every December with these fun and inexpensive activity books from Pflaum. They have a simple scripture verse and a fun activity for every day of Advent. You don't have to homeschool to enjoy these books with your kids.

  
  

Next week, I'll mention a few more things we've tried (or at least considered trying) with our kids.

Advent Prep - Four Weeks Out

Four weeks from now, we will be in the season of Advent. A little preparation now will ensure that your Advent really is about preparing to greet our Savior... and not preparing to lose your mind once again amidst the wrapping, the shopping, the baking, and the mailing.

1. 1. Begin with a plan. December is a crazy month, filled to the brim. If you begin now, you can plan to include some special events, and to celebrate the special feasts. This is the time to mark off space in your calendar for the important family events: cutting down the Christmas tree, taking a Christmas portrait, caroling, attending a Tree Lighting Ceremony, visiting a light display, seeing a performance of "The Nutcracker," etc.
   
   Take the time to think about what really matters to you and your spouse. Prioritize the events, activities and memories you want to make with your children. Then spend an evening online, locating dates and times, ordering tickets (if necessary), and plugging these activities into your family calendar.
   


2. Don't Forget Your Faith. December is chock full of special days to celebrate: St. Nicholas, St. Lucia, the Immaculate Conception, Our Lady of Guadalupe, St. Juan Diego. Some parishes pray a Christmas Novena or sing the O Antiphons. Opportunities to explore the richness of our faith abound during Advent. Again, making a plan is key. Discuss which feasts will work for your family this year, put them on the calendar, and make note of any preparations you need to make in advance (ie, shoring up treats from St Nick or supplies for St Lucy's bread).
   
   
3. Keep your eyes on the prize. Remember what this season is really about, and start planning your own Advent practice. Perhaps you will decide to spend 10 minutes every morning reading scripture. Or you'll add a Rosary to your morning commute. Maybe you want to try getting to daily mass one morning a week during Advent, or you need to (finally) get to the Sacrament of Reconciliation. The time to consider your spiritual commitment to Advent is now. Give it some thought, some prayer. Don't try to make major changes during this already busy time, but do consider making some small change or addition to help keep your heart and mind focused on Christ this year.
   
   
4. Do NOT even try to do it all. You are hereby forbidden from attempting to do it all. You may not do every activity, craft, spiritual suggestion, and prayer practice that you see here (or anywhere else). This is not the year to make yourself crazy. That's the whole point of the plan: choose what sounds best for your family this year.
   
   There's always next year to make the homemade gingerbread model of Notre Dame while singing "O Christmas Tree" in German with your five year old. Trust me. Next year, Advent will pop up right after Thanksgiving, and you are welcome to try it all then. This year, we are going to take it easy, make a plan, and keep our hearts rightly focused. Nothing else matters.

Next week, I'll have some suggestions for simple ways to make every day in Advent special for your kids.

*****

Feel free to fill the comment box with your suggestions. How is your Advent planning going?

Bits and Pieces of Life Lately

I was looking at the three bulging bags of candy from Saturday's Trunk or Treat, and realizing that we still have a homeschooling Halloween party tomorrow (thankfully, candy-free! gotta love those crunchy homeschoolers!) and the big trick-or-treat-fest on Saturday night. What on earth are we going to do with all of this candy! I know I don't want to be eating it all.

One idea I came across last year was to wrap a small piece of Halloween candy for each day of Advent in place of a traditional chocolate-a-day Advent calendar. Perhaps I'll get the kids involved. They love to wrap nearly anything, and I've got a bunch of small pieces of leftover wrapping paper.

*****

Speaking of Advent, as of yesterday, Advent is only 5 (five!!!!) weeks away!

Last year, I was so organized. I had all of my shopping done before Advent started. I think I even had my Christmas card envelopes addressed. I don't see that happening this year.

But I have started thinking about Advent, about what I want to do to celebrate the season personally, how I will adjust our schooling to accommodate more seasonal activities, and how I want our family life to reflect Advent. Now is the time for me to prepare for Advent. If I can also get some of the Christmas duties out of the way, all the better (since Christmas morning is, after all, only 8 1/2 weeks away). Starting next week, I'll be posting suggestions for Advent preparation/celebration on Monday mornings. Feel free to add your own suggestions in the comment box.

*****

BigBro read Laura Ingalls Wilder's "Farmer Boy" last week, and since he enjoyed that so thoroughly, was willing to crack open "Little House on the Prairie" yesterday. After a short time, he pronounced it "boring." I encouraged him to read just a bit further, just another few chapters, fifteen to twenty more minutes. That was about 8:05 pm last night. At 9:55, I walked into my bedroom to find him laying in my bed, eyes glued to Wilder's words, about halfway through the book. With a grin, I sent him to bed. This morning, he appeared downstairs with the book in hand, and immediately curled up on the couch to continue the saga of Laura and family. I'm not sure we're getting much book work done until he's finished.

*****

The kids are all dressing up as St Louis Cardinal players for Halloween this year. LilBro is catcher, Yadier Molina; Princess is first baseman, Albert Pujols; and BigBro is second baseman, Skip Schumaker. All three of them required my skills with the eyeliner pencil to create the appearance of facial hair. Albert has a goatee. The other two men like that five-o-clock-shadow look. I'm grateful no one has a full beard, though. They all looked adorable. I'll post pics later this week.

*****

Yesterday afternoon, I had lunch with a woman from church whom I've always wanted to know better than I do. I've always looked up to her, and most especially, admired the way she incorporates her faith into her life, seemingly seamlessly. When she asked me to lunch a few weeks ago, I was thrilled and flattered. We had an amazing time. Three and a half hours flew by in what felt like fifteen minutes. She shared her story. I shared mine. We both shared a tear or two, some laughter, and a deep warmth. We've promised to do this regularly, and to incorporate some shared prayer into our regular time together.

As I got back into my car, much later than I'd told DH I would be, I offered up prayers of thanksgiving: for the gift of a burgeoning friendship, for the similarities and differences in our stories, for acceptance, for love, for faith.

*****

Prayer + Time

I am sitting here in the family room, watching flurries of snow falling outside, where the temperature is hovering around 18 degrees. It's too cold for the kids to be out reveling in the 1/4" of snow that fell overnight. They tried this morning. They really did. And after about 30 seconds, all three came right back in, red-cheeked, cold-fingered, shivery, and begging for hot chocolate.

My head aches, and I am in a bit of a funk. Tomorrow we will learn the fate of my husband's job. Lots of good, dedicated, hard-working people have lost their jobs in the past week. We just don't know what will happen with his position. I have not slept well in days, and got so little sleep last night that I didn't make it to mass this morning. So, I am in a bit of a funk right now.

But I am also thinking of all that need to be done; most especially, the Christmas card. Every year, I design a card that includes pictures of the kids and at least a quick overview of our year. It is typically one of my favorite activities... usually something I have done very shortly after Thanksgiving. But this year, I just can't get into it. Every time I sit down to work on it, I find myself stuck: we had such a full, blessed year... but if we end it with no employment, it's hard to see how anything else is relevant.

So, here I am, sitting on the couch, looking out the window. I started thinking about where I was a year ago. What was life like then? DH's company buyout was nowhere near the horizon. It was unthinkable back then. LilBro was almost 2, talking but much less than now, and still in diapers. Princess was still learning her letters; now she is a beginning reader. BigBro has come a long way in maturity and in self-discipline. Every day he is more and more of a "kid."

Where was I a year ago? I was lonely. 2007 had been a year of tremendous spiritual renewal, growth and change for me. I stepped out of my shell and into an active role in my parish. I reconnected with God and with His Church. But all of that change put a strain on my marriage. DH was not at the same place (or even on the same path) as me last year. I so vividly remember mass on the 4th Sunday of Advent last year. I went alone, and as I knelt in the pew praying before mass started, I found myself envying all of the women whose husbands were kneeling beside them, or who were helping them wrestle with small children to keep them quiet. I'd never felt so alone. I remember praying through my tears: "I can't fix this one, God. It's bigger than I am, so I'm giving it to you. Please bring him back to you. Please."

And then I let it all go. I did the best I could, at any rate. And over the next few months, if I felt that envy rise up or if I got annoyed at DH's lack of faith, I would remind myself that it was out of my hands. I had given that one over to God. It was His problem, now. It helped. Sometimes.

Suddenly, seemingly (to me) out of the blue, in early May, DH experienced his conversion. He came back fully to the Sacraments. He began praying on his own, and very quickly included me in his prayer time. We now end our days together in prayer, and I've seen our marriage blossom this year, as we've both placed God first in our lives. We now sit in this place, facing what a year ago was unthinkable, and we are reasonably calm. Yes, if he gets bad news tomorrow, we will have a little bit of panic, a little bit of mourning for the job he loved and the security we took for granted. But, really, our lives won't change dramatically. Our marriage is very strong, and will only grow stronger if tested by the fire. Our children are all healthy and (mostly) happy. We won't lose our home. We won't lose our friends, family, or parish community. Everything important will stay the same. Only our source of income will change.

This coming Sunday, the 4th Sunday of Advent, my family has been asked to carry all 4 candles up to the Advent Wreath during the processional at 8:30 am mass. In one very short year, we've gone from me alone, in tears, in the pew to our family, together, leading the processional on Sunday morning. Talk about unthinkable a year ago.

I can think of no more concrete way to show the power of prayer plus time.

Waiting

I've been caught between two different types of waiting this Advent. First, there's the joyful anticipation of Christ's coming (both the celebration of his first coming as an infant and the preparation for his second coming). The other waiting is the anxiety-ridden wait to learn whether or not my husband still has employment.

In the beginning, the second waiting was more theoretical than actual, and was easily overshadowed by the joyful, Christ-centered waiting. In fact, I think I've done a pretty good job this Advent in keeping our focus Christ-centered, and in enjoying the pace of Advent rather than rushing headlong into "Christmas" long before Dec. 25.

But this week, with the announcement on Monday of 1400 layoffs, and the confirmation from my husband's new VP that there would be layoffs in his department, the second, anxiety-ridden wait has stepped to the forefront.

This week has been a difficult one. We've watched as people we know (and friends/relatives of people we know) have found themselves suddenly jobless. As the week has gone by, our fears have risen. And we still know nothing. From this place, on Friday evening, it looks to be next Wednesday at the earliest that we will know his employment status.

And so we wait. And we try to keep our focus where it truly belongs. We will try to put aside the fears for this weekend, so that we can enjoy our kids, enjoy cutting down our Christmas tree and pulling out the precious ornaments, enjoy this time together as a family making memories we all will treasure always.

Maybe it's fitting that this Sunday is Gaudete Sunday... the pause amidst the waiting to rejoice in the knowledge that we are awaiting our Savior. I pray that we will be able to shift our focus this weekend back to a Christ-centered one. I pray that we will be able to surrender to whatever will happen, and just trust that all will work out as God has ordained.

Glorias and Alleluias

I love Alleluias. I think of all the prayers we sing during mass, the Alleluias are my favorite. The Gloria is a close second.

I think of that today because we were gifted with the Gloria this morning during mass for the Feast of the Immaculate Conception. BigBro turned to me with a huge smile and joyful eyes when our Music Director played the first bars of the Gloria on the piano. It's only been two weeks, but we both are missing the Gloria.

At least during Advent, we still sing the Alleluia. Every time we've sung it lately, I feel a small tinge of sadness, knowing that Lent will be here before we know it, and I will be desperately missing the Alleluias for six whole weeks.

Perhaps this seems like a silly little thing to notice. I think it stands out more to me because of the different styles of our two priests. Father likes to sing, has a strong singing voice, and most commonly presides over 6:30 am daily mass, which has become my staple in the past few months. Pastor is not a singer, and his daily masses are incredibly, reverently quiet. He typically presides over the 8:15 daily mass. Because I get to the 6:30 mass way more often than an 8:15 mass, I am used to singing the Alleluia. The difference is striking on those mornings when Pastor is presiding, and instead of greeting the Gospel with song, we use silence. On those mornings, I always feel that tinge of sadness, anticipating those long six weeks without any Alleluias.

On the other hand, that's one of the benefits of the liturgical year. Just as I more fully appreciate a gorgeous, 65 degree day when I am suffering through the subfreezing temperatures of February, I more fully appreciate the glories of singing praise to the Lord when we are forced to fill that same space with silence for part of the year.

Bits of a Busy Weekend

This was a busy weekend around here, with lots of things going on. Here are a few little bits:

-1-

Marriage and More Group: We met on Friday night, and it looks to be a really good group. There is a lot of enthusiasm for this. We are going to meet on the first Friday of each month, and will spend the next 5 months sharing our stories, a little at a time. DH and I are hosting the January meeting, and the topic is "How We Met." I think all of us are looking forward to having one night a month when we are guaranteed to spend some time remembering why we married our spouses!

-2-

St. Nick's Visit: St. Nick made a stop at our house on Friday night, much to the delight of three small children. He filled all our shoes with chocolates. But Mom's favorite thing was the wooden Advent calendar he left on the dining room table. I've been eyeing one of those for years. How incredibly generous of the good Saint to leave one for us!

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Visit with Santa: DH took the three kids to see Santa yesterday afternoon (so I could have some quiet time to myself).

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Nativity Pageant: This morning, the Preschool of Religion hosted a Nativity pageant... which is a totally separate post. Too cute!

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Dance Recital: And in about 20 minutes, we are leaving to go to Princess' and LilBro's Christmas Dance Recital... which will also be uploaded and posted as soon as possible.

The Nativity Pageant

This weekend was the Preschool of Religion Nativity Pageant... an annual attempt to corral 3 and 4 year olds in recreating the Nativity of our Lord. It is usually good for a few laughs. This year, the program has some new leadership, and it was, in my estimation, the most "professional" work we've gotten from this age group yet.



Princess is Mary, LilBro was the tiny Shepherd, and BigBro had a cameo as the 3rd Wise Man (he was the bowing wise man, sans crown).



ENJOY!!!!

Starting Off Right

Happy Advent! We got our Advent off to a wonderful start yesterday.

It was the first time all five of us have been together for Sunday mass in several weeks. I carried the purple candle up to the wreath on the altar during the procession. BigBro and Princess were actually pretty involved in the mass. LilBro climbed all over me (as usual), but at least he was quiet.

Yesterday evening, we blessed our Advent wreath, and had our first prayer service.

The kids took the first link off their prayer chains, and we added the first ornament to our Jesse Tree. One of BigBro's friends was visiting at the time, and he jumped right in enthusiastically.

Then, I headed back over to the parish for the Women's Advent by Candlelight dinner. It was incredible! So beautiful, so prayerful, so friend-filled and Christ-centered. A wonderful way to start this beautiful season. We were blessed to have Sister Rosalind Moss as

our guest speaker. She has an amazing story, and had me both laughing and crying throughout her talk. I loved her description of the Blessed Mother: "Mary? She's a Jewish mother. And she says, 'Have I got a son for you!' " I don't think I will ever think of the Blessed Mother the same way! But truly, I loved the Advent by Candlelight program. It was the first year my parish has done this program, and I am certain it won't be the last.

Advent: Anticipation or Penance?

A friend of mine emailed me this morning, not very happy with the description of the penitential nature of Advent in an email I had sent her. She was taught (as I was) that Advent was a time of anticipating and waiting, not of penance. She's not so sure that she likes turning this happy season into a more dour one. Here are some of my thoughts in response to her:

Advent is not a dour, "I'm so sinful" penitential season like Lent is. It is a more joyful, penitential season. (Sounds oxymoronic, I know). But, for me, Advent is more of a fasting to get ready for the feast.

Last year was the first year I decided to seriously consider this penitential aspect of Advent. I decided to give up chocolate for Advent and see how that affected me, and my celebration of the season. There were three things that I noticed. First, I didn't gain my usual holiday 5 pounds. Second, it was a lot easier to give something up for the 3 1/2 weeks of Advent than the 6 weeks of Lent. And, third, I found that by giving something up, Jesus was brought to mind more often. Every time I reached for a cookie or piece of candy, I was reminded of my fast, and it was an opportunity to remember that Advent is a time to prepare to greet our Savior, not a time to shop until I drop.

And that's really what it's about. Preparing for our Savior's arrival. For me, that included (and will include this year) some penitential practice, because I am so far from where I should be to greet the Lord. But this year, I am focusing more on growing spiritually rather than "punishing" myself for my "sinfulness." So, I am also reading Matthew this Advent, one chapter a day, and trying to focus on Jesus' teachings.

Last year, our family started doing a short (about 5 min) prayer service with the Advent wreath every night. We'll do that again this year, and we are adding in a short Jesse Tree meditation to that. But, for the kids, I want this season to be one of joy, anticipation, and family traditions. Some of those traditions are secular, and some are religious... and I think that balance is what I am going for. I think it's ok to have Santa alongside St Nick, Jesus alongside Rudolph. I love the 1960s claymation Christmas shows, and we will watch all of them. We will decorate the house this coming weekend. We will start listening to Christmas music on Friday or Saturday, and listen to practically nothing else until January.

For me, Christmas is about family. It started with a family... the humblest of all... and it continues with families, year after year, gathering together to remember that first night, that tiny family, in that cold stable in Bethlehem, and what it means for all of us throughout time and space.