Take Care of Yourself

Last night, before bed, I was reading in one of the stack of al-anon books I got from half dot com (oh, how I love that website for inexpensive used books!!!). These sentences jumped out at me: Take care of yourself. You are worth it!

This morning, I got up with the alarm and went to mass/prayer. Then I came home, noted that the final for my last class was, in fact, available to take, and wandered upstairs to change into my running gear. DH is on vacation this week, so I am able to run, solo, on the trail.

This morning, I noticed the bareness of the trees. Only last week there were more leaves than limbs as I ran through the woods. Today, only a few stubborn leaves still clung to the branches. I ran steadily, in the morning quiet, not really focusing on any one thought or prayer, just doing my best to be present in the moment. In and out, I breathed. Songs led one into another as I ran along, smiling and greeting the other early-morning walkers and runners on the path.

Somewhere along the return-half of the trip, my mind remembered the sentences I'd copied into my notebook last night. Take care of yourself. You're worth it. What necessary and important advice. Somehow, instinctively, I knew to do that a few weeks ago. I knew, as I started this process of recovery, that my emotions would be raw and tender, and that I had better take good care of my body and spiritual life if I were to be able to handle all that this process will dredge up.

A few years ago, I would never have thought of running as a way to take care of myself. What a gift it is that I've developed this habit... that I now need to run, to care for myself and to make the demons more manageable. I've also been doing my best to eat healthy, nutritious foods and to avoid the sugar which makes me a little crazy under "normal" circumstances. And, of course, I've been very faithful in attending to my prayer life.

Before I'd even read those sentences, I knew instinctively to take care of myself during this difficult time. I'm not sure where or how I knew that, but I always credit God when I'm unsure of the source.

So, I wonder, do you know how important it is to take care of yourself when you are experiencing an unusual amount of stress in one part of your life-- physical, through illness; emotional, through loss, grief, recovery, etc; or spiritual, through a dry spell or "dark night?"

We are both body and spirit. When one part is hurting, it is critical that we care for the other part, and in the process, hopefully, find healing.

Building the Foundation - Part 1

I had stopped running regularly. I suffered a stress fracture in my right foot over the summer, and once that had healed, I was out of my running routine. I kept trying to get back to it, but honestly, I've only been fitting in a run about once a week for the past 2 months.


Until last week, that is. After I went to the first ACA meeting, and began to realize that this was not going to be some quick and painless process, my morning routine of prayer and running became much more important. Suddenly, I needed to get up early and attend mass much more than I needed sleep. Suddenly, I needed to run until my head gave up and gave over to my body again.


I was greatly helped by the unseasonably warm temperatures and our relaxed-school schedule last week. I just took the kids with me over to the trail, and we all ran together. It felt so good to be running again, to push my body, to let the physical aches overtake the emotional ones, even just for a little while.


It felt so good that I set the alarm very early on Saturday morning, even though the weather had turned much colder overnight and I had to be at a conference at 9am. I do not like the cold, but I needed to run. I needed to be out in God's creation, pushing myself past the pain.


So, I bundled up, slipped on a headband for my ears and gloves for my hands, filled my water bottle, and headed to the trail. It had rained overnight. The ground was wet and covered with freshly fallen leaves. A mist hung in the trees, rain-darkened trunks contrasting with the bright yellow and orange leaves still clinging to the branches.

I was alone on the trail. My breath appeared before me, momentarily visible, as I ran in the morning stillness: slow, steady, letting the initial stiffness of my muscles be replaced by warm fluidity and, eventually, by the ache of fatigue.

I prayed my way along that trail, asking for guidance from the Holy Spirit. As I turned around to head back toward the car, my mind began to categorize all of the tools I have in place to support me during this process: my morning prayer and mass routine, my prayer life in general, running, my husband and close friends, my Spiritual Director. It was as though God had been leading me here, slowly building the foundation I would need to be willing to step onto the path toward healing. None of these things appeared overnight. Every one of them was a slow, lengthy process, in and of itself. It took time and persistence to develop my prayer life, my exercise routine, my support network.

I didn't reach this place quickly or on my own. I'm not going to get through it quickly or on my own, either. And, I'm ok with that. Before I even knew to ask for it, the Holy Spirit was providing the guidance and assistance he knew I would need. What more can I ask for than his continued guidance?

Exercise as Prayer

To understand where I am going with this week's Theology Thursday, you first need to know that I have hated exercise, in nearly any form, for all of my adult life. I could tolerate swimming laps, but after my kids were born, stopping by the health club to swim a few dozen laps meant dealing with childcare hassles. The winter that BigBro was 2 and Princess was a baby, I managed the hassles, but spent more time in the pediatrician's office with sick kids than in the pool. Since LilBro's birth, I refused to consider any form of exercise that meant leaving my kids in a germ-filled health club "daycare" room.

Three years ago, I came to the revelation that not caring for my body was a sin. It set a bad example for my kids, didn't show proper respect for my body as a temple of the Holy Spirit, and would likely lead to preventable illnesses and early death.

And so began my trip on the merry-go-round of misery. I would ignore any thoughts of exercise for the entire month. The night before my Spiritual Direction meeting, I would look over an examination of conscience and note that I'm not taking proper care of myself. I would confess the sin. Father would assign me an open-ended penance, something like: "get 30 minutes of exercise 3-4 times per week." I'd comply for a week or two, miss a few days, and lose my focus.

Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

Occasionally, I'd string together a month or two of reasonably frequent exercise before giving up. It didn't matter, though. Over and over again, I would find myself not-exercising, with plenty of "good" reasons why I didn't/couldn't/wouldn't/shouldn't.

In May 2009, I sat in Father's office. I'd stopped exercising again, and had no desire to do it. None at all. "And please don't assign me the penance of exercising, because I won't do it. I know that right now; I won't do it. And then I'll have the sin of not doing my penance on my conscience, too. Please," I begged.

Father took pity on me offered this penance instead: pray for the desire to care for yourself as a beloved child of God.

I felt like I'd won the jackpot. All I have to do for my penance is pray? No laps around the neighborhood? No early-morning walks? Just some prayers? Yee-haw!

Well, those of you who read my blog regularly know how that worked out. But you may not know exactly how I got from there to here.

I prayed my penance faithfully. About three weeks into it, I was kneeling in the pew at my "summer parish," after receiving the Eucharist one Thursday morning. Suddenly, in the deep recesses of my head were the words, "you need to start running." I dismissed the thought. I don't run. Ever. For any reason.

But it stayed with me, nonetheless. And, being the lazy person I am, I rationalized. I could run for 15 minutes and get the same workout as walking for 45. Hmmmmm. Maybe running would work after all. But not today. No one starts a new workout on a Thursday. Monday. Yeah, Monday I'll start running.

And I did. Slowly at first, running for a minute and walking for a minute. I'd been doing it for about 2 weeks before I even mentioned it to DH.

Very quickly, I realized that if I were going to run, I needed to pray. Prayer was not an option. This running idea did not come from me; the only way I'd succeed was to turn it all over to God. So, as my muscles and lungs strengthened, so did my prayer life.

It's been a year now since I started running. I've learned a lot about the sport. I've run two races. I've read books and websites. I'm on my second pair of running shoes. And I pray before, during, and especially after my runs.

Running opens me up to God in a way few activities do. It drains me of my ego, wears me out, and leaves me panting and sweaty, fully aware of just how strong I'm not, just how "together" I'm not, just how much I do, in fact, need a Savior.

Every time I finish a run, whether a short 1-miler or a longer run, whether on the treadmill, on the trail, or around the track, I stop, stretch, and pray.

In that prayer time, I am open, spent, ego-less. All of the "monkey voices" in my head, all of my wants have been huffed and puffed right out of me. All that is left is an aching desire for God... a deep, gaping hole in my soul that longs to be filled by Him.

I stretch. I sit. I breathe deeply. "Lord," I pray. "I am yours."

Altering Words

In the past two weekends, I have devoured two different books, and I have to share them with you. Please note: these are not requested reviews; I have gotten nothing for these books, and purchased them on my own. But, both of these very different books have really altered my thinking, and I hope you will consider reading them, too.

*****

Two weekends ago, I read "Born to Run" by Christopher MacDougall. I first heard about this book a few months ago, from someone I considered a bit "on the fringe" and dismissed it pretty quickly as "not my thing." Then, I started reading more about barefoot running, started running barefoot on my treadmill, and bought a pair of FiveFingers. As my relationship with running started to change, I came across recommendations of this book again and again, and requested it from the library.

I sat down on Friday afternoon to start the book, still not sure that a book about a tribe of native peoples in the valleys of central Mexico was my thing.


This book was so much more than some anthropolgical tome. It was a first-hand account of a man in his 40s who wanted to love running, but found it to be occasionally painful, occasionally torturesome, and in all likelihood something that he would not be able to do the rest of his life. (Oh, how I could relate!) Then, he found himself reading an article about the Tarahumara in Mexico, who run long distances (and I mean 40 + miles) over rough terrain, wearing little more than sandals on their feet... running like this from childhood well into old age.


The writing was fluid and engaging. I was hooked, so much so that I read more before falling asleep that night. Then, when I woke to use the bathroom in the middle of the night, I grabbed the book and slipped into the guest room to read "just a little more" before going back to sleep. I love to read, but I also love to sleep; if I am foregoing sleep for reading, you know the story is compelling.


"Born to Run" follows MacDougall's journey to find the Tarahumara in Mexico and his unlikely friendship with a man known as Blanco Caballo. It gave me a look into the ultramarathon movement in America, a biological and evolutionary understanding of human anatomy in relation to running, and a history of Nike and the development of the "running shoe." The book talks about barefoot running, but is not an overall endorsement of any particular running "style."

More than anything else, this book encouraged me. I love running, particularly now that I've changed my gait to a gentler and more natural one, eliminating the occasional pain and stiffness I used to experience. I had bought into the idea that running was going to (eventually) ruin my knees and I'd have to give it up at some point. I'd convinced myself that starting to run at 37 was a ridiculous idea. Running is for teenagers with lean bodies and long legs. This book showed me that I was dead wrong. We evolved to run; it was our primary means of survival. We evolved to run long distances, not necessarily quickly, but with endurance. And, when we run on strengthened feet, using our achilles tendon, arches, and calf muscles as they were designed to be used, we can run for a lifetime without debilitating injuries.

I finished this book fairly certain that I won't be joining in on any of those ultramarathons, going 100 miles through Death Valley in August, but I am sure that I am going to keep on running. Even if running isn't your thing, this book is a fascinating read! The story will capture your imagination, and you, too, will be encouraged by the good that can happen when people with very different lives and agendas come together in a spirit of friendship and fun.

*****

This second book, which I read this past weekend, is also a personal memoir, but of a completely different experience. I could not recommend this book more highly; it changed how I look at life, how I experience God in my life and how I consider my prayer life.

"I Will Carry You" by Angie Smith is the story of her fourth daughter, Audrey Caroline. At her 18 week ultrasound, Angie and her husband, Todd, learned that Audrey Caroline had multiple conditions making her "incompatible with life." Faced with the uncertainty of the remaining pregnancy, they turned to God, and found strength in Him. She started a blog to process through this experience with others, and from that blog grew this book.

Yes, this is a difficult story to read. Her beautiful daughter was born alive, but lived only a few hours. Yet, the love, the fullness of life, that they shared in those last few months of pregnancy and those precious few hours in the hospital room with her!

Angie Smith weaves scripture throughout her story. Using the psalms, Old Testament stories, and especially the New Testament account of Lazarus' rising from the dead, Angie shows how her faith gave her the strength to trust in the Lord, even when all of "modern medicine" told her there was no hope.

I know what you're thinking; there's no way I want to read this story. It's too sad. And it is sad. I needed half a box of tissues to get through it. But, it's not a desperate sad. It's a hope-filled, trusting, hope-FULL sad. Angie knows that she and Audrey Caroline are apart only for a while; someday, they will be together again, forever.

I've noticed that I am praying differently now that I've read this book. I approach the Lord with more humility and trust. Her example opened some tightly-closed doors deep in my heart. I am encouraged by her deep and abiding faith in our all-loving God. I am heartened by her willingness to release control and do her best to live God's will. I am inspired by her strength; Angie Smith walked through the darkest forest I can imagine, holding only to her Father's hand, and came out the other side, stronger and more sure of His love.

I am hoping you will open yourself to reading Audrey Caroline's story. I guarantee you will be changed for the better by doing so.

*****

Both of these books have altered the way I see the world. It's not often that I can say that about a book; even more rare that I can say it about 2 books at the same time. When writing does that, when it changes how I think, how I exercise, how I pray, it must be shared. Enjoy!

Three Random Things

Ok, so a quick, disjointed post this morning, before I get my crazy day under way.

1). I am in LOVE!!!!!! Wanna see a picture of my new sweetie?

Running in these babies is so incredibly AWESOME. I can run faster, longer, and so much easier than in my heavy "running shoes." They are completely comfortable. My running gait is changing, my ankles and calves are strengthening, and I am just giddy whenever I get a chance to slide into these and hit the ground running.

Don't be surprised if I start wearing these around town, too! (Go ahead and laugh... just don't be surprised).

***

2). My kids discovered "Tom and Jerry" a few months ago. I grew up watching that show, so I just shrugged my shoulders and smiled when they added it to the DVR list. I've found that it's easier to work on the computer when T & J is on (as opposed to some other cartoon) because there's no dialogue, only music.

This morning, DH was eating breakfast, I was checking email, and the boys were watching T & J all in the same room. Suddenly DH started laughing. T & J were drunk on bottles of liquor, stretched out on the carpet, listening to LPs. I've caught some episodes where T & J were smoking cigarettes. Rather than having my "mom-dar" on high alert, I just laugh at these cultural discrepancies. My kids know how we feel about cigarettes and alcohol. I'm not worried that a crudely drawn cat and mouse cartoon are more influential than we are.

Interesting commentary on our societal changes, though. DH and I grew up watching cartoon characters get drunk and smoke cigarettes, two things that would never fly in modern-day children's television. But, what do our kids get? Too much emphasis on dating and relationships way too early. Parents portrayed, at best, as foolish and out of touch; at worst, as an enemy to be thwarted. In general, adults are not to be trusted.

You know what? My kids can keep on watching T & J for some time to come. Disney channel and Nickelodeon can keep their "children's programming" for some other family.

***

3) Yesterday morning, Princess joined me for Morning Prayer and mass. She brought along a version of the Stations of the Cross that she had created on her own (complete with her awesome phonetic spelling and drawings!), to share with Father. He emailed me later in the day to thank her for sharing her book, that it had really boosted his faith.

This morning, when I appeared in the office, solo, his disappointment was palpable. "Where's your daughter?" as his neck bent, hopefully, peeking around the corner. "Sleeping." "Oh. So, she's not always up this early?" Again, the hopeful tilt of his voice. "Nope. I have to wake her to go to mass. She needs her sleep, so no more than once a week for her." "Oh."

Nothing like a little dose of humility first thing in the morning.

It's ok, Father. I understand. She really lifts me up, too.

Blessings of the Week - vol. 52

Wow! Has it really been an entire year that I've been counting my weekly blessings!

How quickly that time has gone!

-1-

Last Weekend's Retreat. I already blogged here and here about how wonderful my retreat was last weekend, how it filled my reserves to overflowing. The best part: that calm has continued to permeate what was a really crazy week, and will hopefully stay with me a bit longer, as I get through the next two weeks of houseguests, First Communion, Homeschool Project Fair, birthdays, scouting commitments, and anything else that crops up. But, for now, I am grateful that I can still close my eyes and access that deep peace I felt on retreat.

-2-

Volunteering at the Food Pantry. Once a month, BigBro and I serve a shift at our local food pantry. We've done it for about 18 months now, and it took me a while to feel comfortable in this form of service, where we see the real faces of poverty, right here in our neighborhood. Last month, the director of the pantry asked me to begin training on "intake" and "recertifications," which means learning a lot more about the hardships and struggles of our clients than I do when I assist them in shopping.

This week, I sat in on several intake and recert meetings. I barely made it through the meetings without crying. It breaks my heart that there are people struggling so much just to survive... right here in my neighborhood. (In order to qualify for our food pantry, you need proof that you live in our zip code).

This week, I pause and offer thanksgiving for all that I have, and also for the blessing of my shift at the food pantry, that I may never grow complacent in thinking the "poor" live elsewhere or that I can do nothing significant to help. And I offer prayers for all of our clients, that they may feel the presence of Jesus in their trials.

-3-

Barefoot Running. So, in a series of coincidences that seem too ordered to be coincidential, my attitude toward running has taken a shift in the past month, going from tolerated activity to one of pure joy. Several months ago, I heard about the barefoot running movement, but quickly dismissed it as "ridiculous." Well, in the past week, I've been re-introduced to the concept, have done some research, and even tried a few short sessions running barefoot on my treadmill.

I have this to say: wow! Talk about changing the experience of running. There are the biomechanical changes necessary when you find yourself without the extra inches of padding and shock absorption in your heel. But, that's not what I am talking about. I am talking about feeling more involved in the run. Finding out that my feet can "feel" the ground (or treadmill surface) and respond. And, once my soles toughen a little, I can see running longer distances with less effort, because the whole process is so much easier on my knees and ankles.

I know, for those of you who don't run (and maybe some of you that do), this sounds absolutely crazy. Jen's finally gone off the deep end. There are research studies (including one done by Harvard) that show we evolved to run on the soles of our feet, not heel-strike the way we do with fancy running shoes. Studies which show an increase in injuries when wearing running shoes. Even a book that follows an African tribe of barefoot runners. But, I am not talking about studies and books. I am talking about my own experience, and how freeing it was for me, even though I was a bit sceptical at first.

All that being said, I can't see me actually running barefoot anywhere other than the treadmill and maybe, the high school track. I like to zone-out in prayer too much when I am running, and if I'm watching out for pebbles, broken glass, etc while running, I'll lose my prayer time.

Which is why I got myself a pair of these as an early birthday present:

Believe it or not, they are actually really comfortable... and I can't wait to see the reaction I get running around town in them!

*****

Won't you join me in offering praise to the Lord this beautiful spring morning?

St. Paul, a Treadmill, and a Lightbulb

Monday was the feast of the Conversion of St. Paul. During his homily, Father stressed that the true force of Paul's conversion were the actions that came from it; he didn't simply experience an internal change of heart. St. Paul took that internal change out into the world. We are all called to do the same with our own conversions, even (perhaps especially) the mini-conversions we experience through the Sacrament of Reconciliation.

About an hour after mass had ended, I stepped onto the treadmill. My mind was buzzing with a bunch of different things: the day's to-do list, meal planning, lesson plans, the weather, etc. I plugged my ear buds into my ears, set the speed and started running.

The treadmill is in the corner of my bedroom. There are six recessed lights in the ceiling, and the one just above the treadmill burned out months ago. I can't change it; even with a stepstool, I am too short to reach the bulb. I never seem to have a fresh lightbulb, a stepstool and DH in the bedroom at the same time, and since I don't read on the treadmill, it's seemed like a minor issue, not worth worrying about.

So, to set the scene, it's Monday morning, and I am running on the treadmill, with soft lighting coming from the partly-dimmed remaining lights in the room. I've gotten into a groove physically, gotten through the mental to-do list, and I find my mind wandering back to Father's homily from that morning: more specifically, how am I bringing my conversions out into the world? How can I do better?

I was jolted from my reverie by a bright light. I actually gave a little yelp and turned around quickly, expecting to see one of my children near the lightswitch. No one was there. I couldn't figure out where the brightness was coming from. I kept running (treadmills being what they are), and noticed that my iPod is playing John Mellencamp's "Authority."

I fight authority; authority always wins reverberates in my ears. I run for about another minute before I realize why the room is brighter. The burned-out bulb above me is glowing brightly.

I fight authority; authority always wins repeats again in my ears. I think of St. Paul. I think how this morning, we celebrated the bright light that preceded God's voice in his ears... and the message he needed to hear that day on the road to Damascus.

Now, don't for a moment think that I am confusing myself with St. Paul... but the question begs: is there something here, something in the fighting of authority that I need to take to heart?

Hmmm.... food for prayer, at the very least.

[For the record, after I'd finished running and showered, I noticed that the bulb was burned out again... and it's remained so ever since].

Why I Run

I didn't run between Thanksgiving and Christmas, not because I didn't want to run, but because I couldn't seem to fit it in (or nearly anything else specifically for me, for that matter).

For Christmas, DH bought me a 2010 runners log book, and it has turned out to be the best present I've gotten. This book is right up my alley... with spaces to carry forward mileage from week to week, month to month, race charts, weekly mileage bar graphs, and lots of inspirational quotes/articles.

In the quiet of these few days between my parents' visit and the return to the usual busyness of "regular life," I've dusted off the treadmill, tied on my running shoes again, and rekindled my love of this exercise.

So, here, while I have them fresh in my mind, are the top 10 reasons why I run:

10. Endorphins, baby. Who needs antidepressants when you have a treadmill?

9. Because I am competitive, and running is a competitive sport... even if the only person I am competing against is myself.

8. The results are measurable... whether in longer running times, faster running times, quicker resting pulse return, or any combination of the above.

7. I can do it anywhere: on the treadmill, on the track, in the park, around the block.

6. The obvious health benefits of regular, consistent, aerobic exercise.

5. Because I love the race atmosphere (though not enough to race in the frigid weather!)

4. Praise music on my iPod... praying with my body and my mind.

3. I am learning that taking care of myself is very important: for me and for my family.

2. I am less stressed and more emotionally stable when I run regularly.

1. Because I never thought I could, but I learned in 2009 that I actually can... and I love proving myself wrong!

The Gifts of 2009

As I sit here on the cusp of a brand new year, it seems only fitting to pause and reflect on the gifts of the past year:

• Running: I started 2009 really struggling with exercise, finally making peace with my treadmill in mid-January, and continuing along fairly well until the spring, when I just gave up completely. In an inspired moment, Father suggested that I pray for the desire to care for my body, and to my great surprise... several weeks later, I began running. Before I knew it, I'd signed up for a 5k race in the end of August. I managed only one more 5k this fall, but I've made the mental shift necessary to call myself a "runner" even when I have the occasional lull in training.

  
  

• Spiritual Direction: At the beginning of 2009, I was looking for a spiritual director. When God led me back to Father in February, it was truly the answer to my prayers. In the past year, Father has led me through some difficult times in my family, and to some painful (but necessary) realizations. He's softened, too. He is gentler, more compassionate, more patient with me now. We met yesterday morning, and even without an agenda for our meeting, the conversation and time flowed quickly.

  
  

• Praying the Hours: After about a year or so of thinking about it, I started praying the hours early this fall. It's set a nice rhythm to my day, tied me more closely to the liturgical calendar, and has improved my prayer life immensely. And... most surprising of all... praying the hours is much less complicated (and much less time consuming) than I'd been fearing.

  
  

• Vision of Peace: This place is among the best gifts of 2009 for me. When Father first told me about it in February, I was uncertain. My friend and I visited during Holy Week, and immediately began planning a retreat there. I've been back about every 6 weeks since then, ran a retreat there in September (and am planning another one in March), and have found my home-away-from-home in the little hermitage called "Beautiful Earth."

  
  

• Learning to Count my Blessings: This year, I stopped every Saturday to count the blessings of my week, and learned to do the same at the end of each day. This small practice has gone a long way toward increasing my appreciation for all that I do have, and decreasing my frustration and sense of entitlement. I've been feeling called to take this attitude of thanksgiving further in 2010... so I may be looking at different ways to foster eucharisteo... thanksgiving... in my life.

May your new year be blessed!

Progress

Before I started running, I would see people running as I drove down the street and think,

"Well, you're just nuts."

After I started running, I would see people running as I drove down the street and think,

"Good for you!"

Yesterday, I saw a person running as I drove down the street and I thought,

"Oh, man... I would give anything to be out there with you right now."

The mental transformation is complete. I am a runner. Even if I am not getting the time or the mileage I did all summer, I am still a runner.

Who would have ever thought it possible???

I DID IT!!!!!!!!

I did it!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I ran 3.1 miles this morning, in the Race for a Child sponsored by the Boys Club Alumni Association.

Official times aren't posted yet, but I saw the clock as I came through the finish line, and I was just about 37:30! (For the record, that's 5 minutes faster than the time I run this on the treadmill!)

It was an awesome run. I was so happy to be doing it, so cheered on by the volunteers and spectators clapping for us. I knew that I was making good time by the song on my ipod when I came around the final bend and saw the Boys Club ahead of me. But I had no idea for another quarter mile just how good my time was!

I was so blessed to have my friend Kathy at the finish line cheering, taking pictures, and grabbing me in the loudest, happiest hug! Several other runners came over to congratulate me on my first run. (I guess all the screaming and cheering gave me away!) It was awesome!

Then, I stretched, drank two bottles of water, and we waited for our friends to finish the race. (They both walked).

What an awesome day! I am so proud of myself and so psyched to do another race sometime in September!

One down, twenty-four to go... my goal is 25 5Ks by my 40th birthday... May 3, 2012.

Blessings of the Week - vol. 18

-1-

A Great First Week of School. This week went really well. LilBro had a great time at his new preschool. Princess loved (and I mean loved) kindergarten. BigBro jumped into 2nd grade with two feet, and a minimal amount of whining. We got started on time each day, and I even managed to fit in my runs before school nearly every day.

-2-

A Friend-filled week. Four afternoons this week were friend-filled. Playdates, new homeschool playgroups, back-to-school swim and ice cream party, and a sleep over. The kids had a great time. We all relaxed. There was a ton of laughter. A good way to cap off a morning of school.

-3-

Running. Not to become a broken record here, but my running is a real blessing in my life. This morning, a week before the 5K, I got up early, dressed, prayed, picked up my friend, and ran three miles around the high school track.

I don't think I ever completed more than one or two laps on the high school track in my 4 years of high school. And, I did it 4 minutes faster than my best time on the treadmill!

I am ready. The race is next Saturday morning. I can't wait. And I can't believe this is me... truly, this whole running thing is from Above... and I am so very grateful for the blessing of it in my life.

*****

Where have you noticed His Hand in your life this week?

5K!

I did it! I ran 3.1 miles this morning, without stopping. And I feel fantastic!

I can't believe that I started this seven weeks ago today, walking for a minute and running for a minute, for a total of 20 minutes, completely and totally worn out at the end of that time. And now, I am running for more than 40 minutes non-stop.

I never, ever in my life thought I could do this. I never, ever thought I would be a runner.

WOW.

What else does He have in store for me, that I never, ever thought would be possible?

Peach Picking, Running and Franciscan Spirituality

This morning, we went peach picking. The last time we actually made it to the pick-your-own farm for mid-summer peaches, Princess was an infant, and I made a TON of baby food for her. She had peaches mixed with nearly everything for the next few months.

I love the act of picking our own fruit. I think it's a lot of fun to ride in the wagon and pick the fruit. I love watching the juice dribble down chins and onto t-shirts. I love the smell of fresh fruit ripening on the 30 minute ride home in the van.

But I never know what to do with all the peaches. The strawberries always get eaten before they can go bad. The apples last a long time in the fridge, and I am always good for a few batches of crock-pot applesauce, which we freeze and eat mid-winter. (YUM!) But peaches are a struggle for me. They aren't ripe enough to eat just yet, and we have a whole huge box of them. Already, I've made two loaves of peach bread and a peach tart. I downloaded a few recipes for peach jam and I may try my hand at that in the next week. We'll see how quickly they get used up. If you have a favorite peach recipe, please let me know!

Before we left for the farm, I got a really good run in. I was feeling so good at the 2 mile mark that I kept going for another quarter-mile, even though that wasn't on my training schedule until next week. I stretched afterwards, but not long enough before getting in the car for 30 minutes. By the time we got to the farm, my legs had completely stiffened up. It wasn't until late afternoon, when I could give them a really good, long stretch (and some ibuprofen), that I felt the muscles begin to relax. Interesting... at least to me. I can feel myself hitting little training plateaus, where something that was hard no longer is, and each subsequent step (whether in speed, time or distance) comes with its own physical learning curve.

After we picked peaches, we stopped at the shrine ten miles from the farm for lunch and some time in the playground. Lunch was, as usual, awesome... just a soup and salad buffet, but the soups are homemade and just about the most delicious soups ever made. There was a creamy carrot-dill soup that all three kids ate up - two bowls each! LilBro (the picky eater) proclaimed "Carrot soup is THE BEST!" I asked the waitress to pass LilBro's praise along to the chef, and the waitress asked if we wanted a quart to take home. Why, yes, we certainly did. So, we had more carrot-dill soup for dinner, and DH plans to search out the recipe.

Before we left the shrine, we stopped at the Lourdes Grotto. We prayed a bit, the kids wandered, we talked about St Bernadette and her visions of the Blessed Mother. Before leaving, we gathered together to pray once more. Princess has taken to praying with her arms open, palms up, in a style reminiscent of the Franciscans. Influenced by the Franciscan sisters in our parish, by her Secular Franciscan Grammy, or by some prompting of her own heart, I do not know. But her prayer posture is sincere and respectful, and she takes prayer time seriously. I watched her as we prayed. There's something real there. I've written about it before, but it bears repeating: Princess is a deeply spiritual person. I look to my five year old as a living example of the trust and faith I so want to have in the Lord.

As we carried the box of peaches into the house this afternoon, Princess exclaimed, "This was a really good day!" I wholeheartedly agree.

Little Updates

There's so much going on right now, and I would love the chance to blog about all the things spinning in my head, but time is not on my side.

However, a quick update to keep me going until I do find the time to blog more heavily.

• It's Back-to-School-Cleaning time! I am in the middle of a massive purge/cleaning/organizing of our school room and our living room bookshelves. Pictures will be posted when I am done (if for no other reason that to prove to myself that, yes, in fact, it did look neat and clean in here for at least long enough to snap a picture!)
  
  
• We arrived home on Saturday to find that the handful of moths we'd been fighting for a few weeks had had a huge party in our absence and we now had a full-fledged infestation on our hands. Sunday afternoon saw DH and me tossing out every bit of food from 3 cabinets, the toaster and the microwave (which were infested with eggs and worms - YUCK!). Then spraying and spraying some more. The dishwasher was kept busy sanitizing every dish, cup, and serving piece in the cabinets.
  
  Yesterday, I sprayed one more time. Then I went to Target to get a new toaster and microwave, and to replenish some of the more critical foods we had lost on Sunday. After spending the afternoon scouring the countertops, running even more loads in the dishwasher, and preemptively putting the new food in plastic bags back in the pantry, DH and I declared an early success.
  
  Now, we have not posted our "Mission Accomplished" banner just yet... but we haven't seen one of the buggers around for more than 24 hours, and that is a huge accomplishment!
  
  
• Did you know that it takes nearly 7-1/2 hours to drive with children the same exact distance I used to drive for work (before children) in 4-3/4 hours?
  
  That would be more of a whine if our children weren't so darn AWESOME in the car! They really are. There's no complaining, no whining, and not even any fighting. They just play, read, talk, sleep, and ask to stop for a potty break about every 45 minutes.
  
  We've been making these long trips for 7 years. This year, we've had two long trips: last week's trip to NC and April's trip to Albuquerque. On both trips, the kids have been absolutely awesome. After years of dealing with whining, crying, screaming, and other sorts of consternation, we are so very happy to have arrived at this travel nirvana... where our kids are so used to the long trips that they become, well, vacations!
  
  
• I hit the wall with my running the other day. The wind just dropped right out of my sails, and if I didn't have the August 29 race staring me in the face, I probably would have just set the whole running thing on the shelf for a while (or ever). And it's not because of our vacation, because I ran 4 days in NC. I don't really know what it was, but I had zero motivation.
  
  So, for a change, I remembered to take my struggle to prayer. Sunday afternoon, I prayed sitting next to the treadmill, and realized that running -- like anything else in my life -- was a discipline, and that some days I just wouldn't feel like doing it. But, would have to do it anyway.
  
  So, I get on the treadmill, and about 9 minutes into my run, I had to stop and stretch. I had this awful pain in my left calf. After stretching, I got back to it, and only got about another 4 minutes of running before the pain returned. Realizing that not every run would be picture perfect, and maybe I was tighter than usual from 2 days in the car, I gave up running for the day and spent about 15 minutes stretching instead.
  
  Yesterday, I didn't run at all. The day just didn't have any time in it where I could consider fitting in a run.
  
  This morning, I was nervous. I wanted to run, but I was afraid of the pain. And I was still struggling a little with the apathy. And with the fear that I won't be ready to run 3 miles one month from now. Fear of failure is a BIG demotivator for me. During mass, I prayed for God to relight the desire in me... to help me refocus on caring for my body and not on the Aug 29 goal.
  
  I climbed on the treadmill a short time later and had a great run. I set the speed 2/10 slower than on Sunday, which meant it took me a little longer to hit the 2 mile mark, but I had no pain, and really felt myself getting a good workout. And I spent a good part of my run reminding myself that I can let go of perfection. Aug 29 is just the beginning... even if I have to walk part of the way, it's a starting point. All I can do from here is improve.
  
  Anyone with advice (Carrie?), please post in comments. I am looking for all the help I can get!
  

Well, the mess isn't getting any smaller while I blog, so better get back to it.

The Running Post

Ok, so I was planning to keep this quiet for a bit, not trusting myself to really commit to this new change, but enough people know, and it's becoming a big part of who I am, so here goes.

I am running. For exercise. Training for a 5K. At least 5 times a week, for 25 minutes or more.

Perhaps that doesn't seem so incredibly remarkable to you. Lots of people run. And a 5K is only just over 3 miles. But, then, you must not really know me.

You see, I have never run further than the distance it takes to snatch my child from danger. I had a boyfriend in high school who kept trying to turn me into a runner... and failed miserably. (And that was back before 3 kids and 30 extra pounds found their way into my life). You see, running hurt. It made my lungs hurt, my legs. It was uncomfortable and miserable, and why would anyone ever do it, unless they were rescuing their child from imminent danger? I just didn't get it.

Add to that the fact that I hate exercising. In nearly any form. With any consistency. I am not a "workout person." Last winter, I wrote a bit about my struggle with exercise. Let's just say that even though I did commit to regular exercise all winter, that went right out the window this spring when my emotional life hit the fan.

So, as I mentioned in my blessings last week, I took this whole issue to prayer. And my prayers were answered in the most surprising way imaginable to me. When I felt called back to the treadmill, it was to run, not walk. I took it very slowly the first week. I take a day off when I am feeling a little tight. Two weeks into this, I began googling running tips, looking for suggestions. I looked up a race schedule for St Louis, and began thinking, quietly, to myself, that maybe, just maybe this fall sometime, I could try to run a 5K.

Then, last Friday night, during my monthly bunco group, one woman mentioned that she is doing a 12-week Couch to 5k plan and is going to run a 5K in the end of August. Without thinking for even a nano-second, I jumped right in there: "I'll do it with you."

The reaction I got (from everyone... DH, my friends, and most especially myself!) was total surprise. You? Running? Really? DH's words: "Good luck with that."

But very quickly, their shock faded and was replaced by unwavering support.

So, now I have a goal. August 29. I don't know if I will actually be able to run the entire distance, but I sure am aiming for it. This morning, I did two miles. So, just 1.1 more miles to go!

But, for me the most surprising part of this is just how very happy it makes me. There is a lot of muck that I am wading through right now. Emotional crap and spiritual baggage and all sorts of existential ickiness. But running makes me happy. It gives me something good, positive, healthy and nurturing to focus on when everything else starts to pile up around me. It gives me this glorious adrenaline rush that lasts for hours. It gives me something new to google about when I find myself with some free time on the computer.

It gives me a new entry in my self-definition: Catholic, wife, mother, homeschooler, friend, sister, daughter, blogger, writer, runner.

Yes, me... 37 years old, 30 (+?) pounds overweight... runner.

This can only be divinely inspired. The Lord knows that I would never have come up with this one on my own.

Running Praise

I don't know about you, but my prayer life tends to be a lot of the same. Petitions? Lots of those. Contrition? Check. Thanksgiving? Even that I have down. Rarely does a prayer session begin or end without me giving thanks. But praise? I never seemed to get that one just right.

Because it was bothering me a bit, a few months ago, I started including some of the praise psalms in my morning prayers. And that helped... some. And I tried to be more aware of my need to praise God. I tried to add small acts of praise in my little prayers throughout the day. But they always seemed... forced, flat, uninspired.

Then, I started running. (This is a whole separate post). Suddenly, it mattered what songs were on the top of my Ipod list. (Note: I have a shuffle... absolutely perfect for my needs, but it doesn't allow for playlists... the only way I have to control what I listen to is the "start at the top" feature). I hooked up to the PC, began rearranging songs, looking for tempo more than content or artist. I redeemed the I-Tunes gift card the kids had given me for Mother's Day and added a few new songs.

At the very top of my list... the song that sets my pace and gets me going each morning is this:



Don't you want what he has? Don't you want to feel about God the way that he does? Wouldn't listening to this song get you moving? It sure does for me.

And so, I realized as I ran along this morning, that whether by coincidence or by Grace, the songs I have front-loaded in my ipod are all praise songs. I spend my morning run praising the Lord. And it feels so very right.

I found my pace... my running pace and my prayer pace. It just took a little of both to make praise soar high and not fall flat.

*****

What praise songs do you love? I am looking for recommendations with an upbeat tempo. There's still a balance on my I-Tunes card and I'm looking to spend it!